[2017 NFL Preview] Cleveland Browns

The USB’s NFL Preview continues with a look at a team that is closer to competing in the CFL than the actual NFL.

Yes, it’s time to preview the butt of everyone’s NFL jokes……

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS!

So, how shitty will the Browns be this year?

LEZ FIND OUT!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

2017 NFL Preview

 

 

 

 

Record Last Five Seasons: 5-11 (2012), 4-12 (2013), 7-9 (2014), 3-13 (2015), 1-15 (2016)

Last Playoff Win: 1994 Wild Card vs. New England

Last Playoff Appearance: 2002 Wild Card vs. Pittsburgh

Super Bowl Wins: None

Last Super Bowl Appearance: None

 

The Head Coach:

Hue Jackson

Coaching Record: 9-23

Playoff Record: 0-0

Grade: D-

 

2016-17 Team Leaders:

Passing Yards/Touchdowns: Cody Kessler (1,380), Cody Kessler/Josh McCown (6)

Rushing Yards/Touchdowns: Isaiah Crowell (952), Isaiah Crowell (7)

Receiving Yards/Touchdowns: Terrelle Pryor (1,007), Terrelle Pryor (4)

Tackles: Christian Kirksey (148)

Interceptions: Jamar Taylor/Joe Haden/Briean Boddy-Calhoun (2)

 

2017 Projected Starters:

Grade Key:

  • ELITE
  • GREAT
  • GOOD
  • NOT GOOD
  • ROOKIE
  • HORRIBLE

Offense:

QB: Cody Kessler

RB: Isaiah Crowell

FB: Dan Vitale

WR: Kenny Britt

WR: Corey Coleman

TE: David Njoku

LT: Joe Thomas

RT: Shon Coleman

RG: Kevin Zeitler

LG: Joel Bitonio

OC: J.C. Tretter

Defense:

DE: Myles Garrett

DT: Danny Shelton

DE: Carl Nassib

LB: Tank Carder

LB: Christian Kirksey

LB: Jamie Collins

LB: Dominique Alexander

CB: Joe Haden

CB: Jamar Taylor

FS: Ed Reynolds

SS: Jabrill Peppers

 

The Schedule:

vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (September 10)

vs. @ Baltimore Ravens (September 17)

vs. @ Indianapolis Colts (September 24)

vs. Cincinnati Bengals (October 1)

vs. New York Jets (October 8)

vs. @ Houston Texans (October 15)

vs. Tennessee Titans (October 22)

vs. Minnesota Vikings (October 29)

BYE WEEK

vs. @ Detroit Lions (November 12)

vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (November 19)

vs. @ Cincinnati Bengals (November 26)

vs. @ Los Angeles Chargers (December 3)

vs. Green Bay Packers (December 10)

vs. Baltimore Ravens (December 17)

vs. @ Chicago Bears (December 24)

vs. @ Pittsburgh Steelers (December 31)

 

Three Things I Like About The Browns This Season:

-Hue Jackson: Hue Jackson is one of the best offensive minds in the NFL. The guy has continously shown that throughout his NFL coaching career. Unfortunately for Jackson, the guy keeps winding up in absolutely horrible spots as a head coach. His first stop was in Oakland a few years back, and he actually managed to coach the Raiders to an 8-8 season in 2011 and then was subsequently fired by new GM Reggie McKenzie. After a stint with the Bengals as OC, Jackson took the Browns job when no one else wanted it. It’s easily the worst job in the NFL and you can’t even debate that. There’s just no way for Jackson to be successful in Cleveland. The team will stink once again and there’s a great chance he’s shown the door at the end of the year. The silver lining on it all? Jackson will be hired as an OC again as soon as the Browns fire him. Why? Because he’s a great offensive mind in a horrible situation.

-DeShone Kizer: Anyone that follows my NFL Draft coverage knows about the little man crush I had on DeShone Kizer. For the longest time, Kizer was my top rated QB in the draft. I ended up dropping him from the spot after some concerns, but perhaps I jumped the gun a little bit? From the reports that I’m hearing as of right now, Kizer is looking pretty good in training camp for the Browns and there’s a real shot that he’s the teams starting QB by the time the NFL season arrives. If that happens and Kizer turns into a solid pro for the Browns, that’s like Cleveland football fans winning the lottery. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THESE GUYS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD QB?????

-Myles Garrett: Don’t listen to the haters. Myles Garrett is going to be a stud in the NFL. Cleveland is in dire need of some elite players on the defensive side of the football and the #1 overall pick will eventually blossom into one. And if he doesn’t? Hey, at least you didn’t draft Mitchell Trubisky.

 

Three Things I Hate About The Browns This Season:

-They’re The Browns: C’mon now guys. Since the Cleveland Browns re-joined the NFL in 1999, they have had JUST TWO WINNING SEASONS! YES, JUST TWO! In 2002, somehow the Browns sneaked into the playoffs with a 9-7 record and got beat by division rival Pittsburgh. In 2007, the Browns managed to go 10-6, but still missed out on the playoffs. Other than that, the Browns have been an absolutely miserable NFL team and their 1-15 record last year was the height of their shitiness. Does anyone actually expect this team to compete in the NFL this season? If so, you’re a lot dumber than I thought.

-The Defense: I already mentioned that the Browns are not a good football team. Nowhere is that more evident than on the defensive side of the football. Cleveland has ZERO elite players on that side of the ball. They have 3 guys who I would consider to be “great/good”. After that though? It’s filled with a bunch of guys that I want nothing to do with. There’s a reason that Cleveland spent two high draft picks on the defense during the NFL Draft. They are absolutely atrocious talent-wise on that side of the ball.

-THEY’RE THE FUCKING BROWNS!!!!!: Look, no disrespect to Browns fans as I’m sure you guys are all great and wonderful people. However, your favorite NFL team is so bad from head-to-toe, that you guys are pretty much the only team eliminated from playoff contention the moment the NFL season starts. Oh, you’re sick and tired of me bashing your favorite team? HOW ABOUT THEY ACTUALLY IMPROVE ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD BEFORE YOU DIE DEFENDING THEM?

 

The Prediction:

2-14

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