The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW: Episode 16

No time for an introduction this week. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE A FREAKING LUMBERJACK MATCH TO GET TO!!!!

LET’S CHECK IT OUT!!!!!…..

 

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The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 16

 

We are joined immediately outside of the building by Shawn Michaels who is talking shit about “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Out of nowhere comes Mr. Perfect and they start brawling on the outside! Perfect actually throws Michaels onto the windshield of a car and the brawl IS ON!!!! Finally it gets broken up, but the damage has been done. WAIT! The two are going at it once again! Perfect wants himself a piece of Michaels and he will stop at nothing to get it. Let the man go!!!

 

Now we are inside the Manhattan Center and Vince McMahon is here alongside Randy “Macho Man” Savage and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Of course, we have the lumberjack match between Shawn Michaels and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan happening tonight. Heenan is excited because Yokozuna is set to be one of the lumberjacks and Heenan is betting Yoko is going to get himself a piece of ol’ “Hacksaw”. We shall see.

Match #1:

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Bam Bam Bigelow

vs.

Typhoon

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This is a qualifying match for the “King of the Ring”. So the winner of this match gets their ticket stamped in the first ever KotR tournament. The heavy money has to be on Typhoon here. The two start things off by just running into each other, but neither gets the advantage. Typhoon kicks Bigelow in the stomach and follows that up with some more shots. Bodyslam by Typhoon now. Typhoon gets Bigelow’s arm and applies a wrist lock. Bigelow gets out of it and body slams Typhoon now. He goes for a head butt, but Typhoon moves out-of-the-way and applies the wrist lock once more. He’s a man of 1,000 moves people. Bigelow gets out and hits Typhoon with a suplex, but the big man gets up and clotheslines Bam Bam out of the ring. Typhoon goes after Bigelow, but Bigelow goes back in the ring and hits Typhoon when he tries to get back in. He slams Typhoon’s head into the ring post and he goes down. He gets back on the ring apron and Bigelow slams his head into the turn buckle again. Bam Bam finally lets Typhoon back into the ring and continues to beat on him. Typhoon finally counters things by slamming Bigelow into the corner, but Bigelow just gets a face lock back on. And now we are going to a commercial……

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We’re back and Typhoon has the advantage over Bigelow now. He whips Bigelow into the corner, but Bam Bam moves. Bigelow picks up Typhoon and hits him with the Samoan drop. Bigelow goes to the top rope now. FLYING HEADBUTT FROM BAM BAM! 1….2….3! Bam Bam Bigelow is now in the first ever King of the Ring tournament. Good luck beating this guy.

Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow via Flying Headbutt

It’s time for another video introducing that new tag team called “The Smoking Gunns”. I sure wish these guys would just wrestle already. Oh, apparently they are making their debut this weekend on WWF Mania. That Todd Pettingill is so lucky.

Match #2:

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Yokozuna

vs.

P.J. Walker

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I don’t think this is going to end well for P.J. Walker (Aldo Montoya/Justin Credible). Vince tells us that Yokozuna is going to wrestle Kamala next week on RAW. YES!!!!!!! HYPED FOR THAT ONE!!! Yoko starts things off by throwing Walker across the ring. He follows that up by putting a standard beat down on the poor guy. A huge slam by Yokozuna and we should probably make sure this guy is still alive. Yoko hits him with a leg drop and picks him up to do some more damage. He whips him into the corner and hits the big splash and Walker goes down. Yoko goes to the second rope and BANZAI DROP! 1….2….3! This was never in doubt.

Winner: Yokozuna via Banzai Drop

And now it’s time for “Mean” Gene Okerlund and the KING OF THE RING REPORT!!!

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Here’s a run down of the latest matches for the first ever King of the Ring pay-per-view:

Hulk Hogan vs Yokozuna (for the WWE title)

And here are the participants in the King of the Ring tournament so far:

Bret Hart

“The Narcissist” Lex Luger

Razor Ramon

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

Bam Bam Bigelow

We have three sports left in the tournament. Mr. Perfect is going to face Doink The Clown and Tatanka will face Giant Gonzalez in qualifying matches to help fill out two more of the spots.

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

Match #3:

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Mr. Perfect

vs.

“Iron” Mike Sharpe

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The WWE was definitely pushing Mr. Perfect as one of the top faces in the company before his unfortunate injury that sidelined his wrestling career for a few years. He was getting a ton of television time back then. Instead of spitting his gum in the air and swatting it, Perfect takes his gum and places it in the mouth of the RAW girl. As a germaphobic, that is disgusting. Perfect starts things off with a headlock and dropkicks Sharpe out of the ring. He goes to the top rope to gloat while “Iron” Mike is obviously frustrated. Sharpe gets on the ring apron and Perfect gives him a hand getting back in the ring. Perfect starts hitting Sharpe with some chops and slams his head into the turnbuckle a couple of times. Some more chops in the corner now from Perfect and here comes the head snap. Sharpe gets up though and starts fighting back. He has Perfect on the ropes and reeling and the two start trading blows. Sharpe goes down and when he gets back up, Perfect hits him in the face with a knee. Sharpe backs up into the corner, and kicks Perfect in the stomach. He whips him into the other corner, but Perfect moves. Perfect grabs his legs and goes for a bridge pin, but Sharpe kicks out. Meanwhile, Bobby Heenan is bored at ringside and is once again flipping through channels. Like I said last time, not exactly the message you want to send your viewers. Sharpe has Perfect in the corner, but Perfect counters and starts hitting Sharpe. Sharpe whips Perfect into the ropes, but Perfect grabs Sharpe’s head and it’s time for the PERFECT PLEX! 1…..2…..3! And that’s why he’s absolutely perfect.

Winner: Mr. Perfect via Perfect Plex

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

Match #4:

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Mr. Hughes

vs.

Cannonball Kid

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Apparently he’s no longer known as the “Kamikaze Kid” and he now wants to be known as the “Cannonball Kid”. Something tells me that name won’t catch on either. Mr. Hughes comes down with Harvey Whippleman for some reason. I guess he’s his new manager. Hughes starts things off by nailing Kid with a clothesline and follows that up with a bodyslam. He gets a two-count on Kid and then picks him up by the ears and just slams him down. Kid tries to get up, but Hughes kicks him in the face. Hughes continues to beat on Kid and throws him into the turnbuckle. Hughes whips Kid into the ropes and hits him with a big boot that almost knocks his face off. He whips him into the ropes again and hits him with a chokeslam. 1…..2…..3! This one was never in doubt and it’s time for the Kid to change his name again perhaps.

Winner: Mr. Hughes via choke slam

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

The lumberjacks are heading down to the ring now and business is about to pick up. Everyone of them is wearing a flannel, except for Yokozuna. I guess maybe they don’t make them in his size?

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

Main Event:

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“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

vs.

Shawn Michaels

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“Hacksaw” gives no fucks and just goes right after Yokozuna at ringside. They start brawling. Duggan actually knocks Yoko down and gets in the ring. Everyone breaks it up, but they both want some more. Duggan now leads the crowd in a “USA” chant. That’s obviously directed at that damn foreigner “Terrific” Terry Taylor. And don’t look now, but Shawn Michaels is coming out with crutches. Apparently he’s injured his foot. Mr. Perfect walks up behind Michaels and punches him in the face. Michaels runs in the ring and apparently he’s fine. Not for long though because Duggan throws him back outside of the ring. Perfect quickly grabs him and throws him back in. Michaels is begging for mercy, but Duggan gives him an atomic drop. He whips him into the ropes and nails him with a body slam. Big elbow drop by Duggan followed by a two-count. Duggan rips Michaels shirt off and starts punching him in the face. Suplex by Duggan and he gets another two-count. He whips Michaels into the turnbuckle and he almost slingshots out of the ring. Duggan picks him up and continues the beat down. He gets Michaels into the corner and hits him with multiple head butts into the mid-section. Michaels goes down hard and Duggan grabs him in a chin lock. Duggan whips him into the ropes and gets Michaels in a bearhug now. This has been a completely one-sided affair. Duggan slams him down and gets a two-count again. Michaels gets up and finally starts fighting back, but that doesn’t last long. Duggan slams Michaels head into the turn buckle and continues to hammer away. Michaels now finds himself wrapped up in the ropes and Duggan is just pounding on him. Now he throws Michaels out of the ring and Mr. Hughes and Terry Taylor are taking their time helping HBK back in. Perfect and Bob Backlund run over to give some assistance. Michaels tries to run to the back, but Perfect and Backlund pick him up and throw him back in the ring. And now it’s time for a commercial……

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We’re back and Duggan is still beating on Michaels. A big bodyslam and Duggan goes for a knee drop, but Michaels moves. Michaels takes off one of his boots and hits Duggan in the face with it. Duggan goes to the outside of the ring and the lumberjacks immediately throw him back in. Michaels is now beating on Duggan finally. He gets Duggan back out of the ring and the lumberjacks throw him right back in where Michaels continues the beat down. Michaels tries hitting Duggan, but he’s no-selling the shots and he slams Michaels’ head into the canvas. He goes after Michaels in the corner, but Michaels breaks out the ol’ eye rake. Now the two trade blows as Michaels hits Duggan with a boot to the face that gets a two-count. HBK wraps on the side headlock, but Duggan eventually gets out of it. Duggan takes Michaels’ head off with a big clothesline followed by a huge atomic drop. Michaels is begging for mercy again as Duggan chokes him in the corner. Duggan throws Michaels into the corner and charges him, but Michaels moves. That doesn’t last long as Duggan picks Michaels up and slams him down. Duggan gets a two-count again and follows that up with a chin lock as Yokozuna looks on angrily. Duggan hits the three-point stance and a big clothesline sends Michaels out of the ring. And it’s time for another commercial…..

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We’re back as Michaels is beating on Duggan now. He whips him into the corner and charges him, but Duggan moves and Michaels goes flying. Bam Bam Bigelow is on the ring apron now and has Duggan distracted. Michaels runs up and hits Duggan and throws him to the outside of the ring on Yokozuna’s side. Yoko hasn’t forgotten what happened earlier and he starts beating on Duggan. Yoko drops a huge leg drop on Duggan and throws him back inside the ring. Michaels comes over for the cocky pin, but Perfect runs in behind Michaels and hits him. That will earn the disqualification. What a disappointing ending in what was otherwise a good match. And don’t look now, but ALL THE LUMBERJACKS ARE IN THE RING AND THEY ARE BRAWLING!!!! Duggan grabs his 2X4 and clears the ring though. And that’s a wrap for this show folks!

This was kind of a “meh” RAW to me. The Duggan/Michaels match was pretty good, but the ending absolutely sucked. The good news is, the shows are starting to get better as time goes on, but that’s predictable of course. Something tells me next week’s show is going to have a HUGE SHOCKER on it.

Until then, see you in 2017.

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