I’ve been hopping in the time machine more lately in search of a good episode of Monday Night RAW. After multiple crappy episodes, we are destined to have a good one eventually. Will this be it?
Let’s find out…..
The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 12
We are joined immediately backstage with Money Incorporated having a meeting with The Beverly Brothers:
Ted DiBiase: Now here it is guys, just like I promised. Now tell me everything you know about the Steiners.
Irwin R. Schyster: And don’t worry, it’s tax free.
Beau Beverly: Let me tell you something. We’ve wrestled the Steiners right here last week on RAW and they think they’re unbeatable and they’re not.
I.R.S.: What about that double-arm suplex?
Blake Beverly: Oh, their suplexes are devastating. That’s why you got to take their legs out right from the get go. Right from the start.
TD: Are they as fast as they look?
Beau: They’re fast. Look out for that Scotty especially. He’s quick as a cat.
Blake: And I’m you, they’re strong. They’re really strong.
TD: Their baby. Their main move. Their finishing thing is that Frankensteiner.
Beau: Let me tell you about that. Don’t let it happen. If you get caught in that Frankensteiner you’re done.
Wow. That is some solid advice from The Beverly Brothers. I really hope Money Incorporated didn’t pay too much to learn that the Steiners are fast, strong, and that the Frankensteiner is devastating. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Beverly’s new gimmick be that they charge people for really shitty scouting reports on other wrestlers. It would be an improvement over their current gimmick.
And now we are down at ringside with Vince McMahon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage and ugh….Rob Bartlett is back after being away last week. DAMN IT! I thought he was gone for good. Oh well, it’s only a matter of time.
Irwin R. Schyster
Instead of a tag match between Money Incorporated and the Steiners, we get a one-on-one match between I.R.S. and Scott. Yay? They lock-up and Irwin gets a wrist lock, but Scott counters it. They lock-up again and Scott has a wrist lock on Irwin now, but Irwin goes into the ropes. Another lock-up and they end up in the ropes, but Irwin tries to kick Scott, but Scott grabs his leg. Irwin gets his leg loose and nails him with a dropkick. Irwin whips Scott into the ropes, but Scott counters with a power slam and Irwin goes down. DiBiase jumps on the ring apron and Scott goes after him. This allows Irwin to roll out of the ring. He finally gets back in and they lock-up once more and Scott gets a headlock. Irwin whips him into the ropes and gets a shoulder block for his troubles. Scott runs into the ropes again but Irwin gets the drop toe hold and gets on top of Scott. Scott quickly reverses it though and gets Irwin in a wrist lock. Scott picks him up and slams his head against the turnbuckle and follows that up with a clothesline. He goes for the cover but only gets a two-count. He quickly applies an arm bar though. Irwin finally gets up and elbows Scott in the nose and starts kicking him. Suplex to Scott, but Scott counters it and hits him with a suplex and gets a two-count. Irwin rolls out of the ring and starts talking with DiBiase. Irwin is putting something in his pocket, but we can’t see what it is. He gets back in the ring and they lock-up again. Irwin rakes Steiners eyes and then throws him out of the ring. Irwin starts distracting the ref and DiBiase hits him with a clothesline. Rick Steiner comes over and now DiBiase starts taking his wardrobe off because the FIGHT IS ON! It’s commercial time though……
We are back and Irwin is still hammering away on Scott. He picks him up and nails a pile driver. A pin gets a two-count. Irwin gets up and applies a chin lock now as the fans break out in an “Irwin” chant. Scott gets up and starts hitting Irwin in the mid-section, but he just gets thrown back down. Irwin gets the chin lock on again. Pretty sure it’s going to take more than that to beat Scotty Steiner my friend. And yes, Scott breaks the hold and the two start exchanging blows. Irwin rakes him in the eyes again and gets a back breaker. Irwin goes outside to talk to DiBiase again. Now he goes to the top rope and goes for something, but Scott sticks his foot up and Irwin gets a mouthful of boot. Scott is now punching Irwin in the face. He whips him into the ropes and hits him with an elbow. Now he’s pounding his head against the turnbuckle. He whips him into the other turnbuckle and Irwin goes down. Scott picks him up and jumps out of the ring while holding Irwin’s tie, causing Irwin to choke himself on the top rope. He gets back in the ring and whips Irwin into the ropes and hits him with a back body drop. Double-underhook suplex now by Scott and he goes for the pin, but DiBiase runs in the ring and hits Scott. Rick runs in to help his brother and the referee rings the bell. It’s now a tag team brawl. The Steiners are double-teaming Ted DiBiase. Rick goes to the top rope for the bulldog headlock, but the Beverly Brothers run out from the back and start attacking the Steiners. It’s now four-on-one as Rick Steiner is incapacitated and they are putting a beat down on Scott. DiBiase is holding Scott and the Beverly’s come in for a clothesline, but Scott moves and they nail DiBiase instead! The Steiners eventually retreat while the Beverly’s try and help DiBiase. DiBiase gets up and he’s pissed. He’s yelling at the Beverly’s and he starts pushing them. Uh oh. Money Inch and the Beverly Brothers are now having a staredown! Money Inc. turns around and the Beverly’s attack them! Irwin goes out and DiBiase is all alone. Irwin grabs his briefcase though. DiBiase leaves the ring while the Beverly’s are begging for them to get back in the ring.
Winner: Scott Steiner via disqualification
That was actually a pretty good match and the stuff that followed was interesting at least. I always love seeing a good face/heel turn and I almost forgot the Beverly Brothers turned face late in their WWE run.
Tatanka is on RAW every single week it seems like. Vince really had a hard-on for him back in 1993. Von Krus would go on to have a little more fame later down the road as “Big Vito LeGrasso”. Krus starts things off by mocking Tatanka. Probably not a good move. Krus does manage to chop Tatanka (a signature move in a Tatanka fight). He goes to whip Tatanka into the ropes, but Tatanka counters. Krus jumps over Tatanka and Tatanka goes straight down to the mat and tosses Krus with his feet. They both get up and Tatanka hits Krus with a hip toss now. He puts Krus in the corner and hits him with a dropkick. Don’t look now, but Doink The Clown is on his way out to the ring. He’s squirting people with an umbrella. Krus goes out of the ring, but Tatanka goes out and throws him right back in. He puts Krus in the corner, but Krus rakes him in the eye and starts chopping away. Tatanka starts fighting back now and is chopping Krus. He throws him into the other turnbuckle and he goes down hard. He does it again and the same result happens. Doink has apparently gone back to the dressing room. Not sure what his appearance was all about, but I’ll take a Doink one any chance I get. Tatanka meanwhile slams Krus down and hits him with an elbow. A suplex to Krus now. Krus gets up and Tatanka tries to whip him into the ropes, but he counters and nails Tatanka with a shoulder. Krus starts hammering on Tatanka now. Tatanka starts fighting back though the chops are on. He whips Krus into the ropes and hits the back body drop. Uh oh. Tatanka is dancing now. That usually signals the end. A few chops from Krus have no effect and Tatanka goes off the ropes and hits the big chop. And another chop. Krus gets up and SAMOAN DROP TO KRUS! 1….2….3! And he’s STILL undefeated folks! Howard Finkel makes sure to mention that by the way.
And now it’s time for a special WrestleMania 9 Report from Sean Mooney….
Sean Mooney informs us that WrestleMania 9 is now being referred to as the “greatest WrestleMania of all-time” which is a false statement on so many levels. Now that the WWE has had the PPV replay and they got some more money, they start giving out some results. They show Bret Hart losing the title to Yokozuna and then Yoko losing it to Hulk Hogan in controversial fashion. Apparently WWE President Jack Tunney has ruled that Hulk Hogan won the title fair and square and he is the champion. Suck an egg Yokozuna. Also, Doink The Clown apparently has a twin who came out and attacked Crush at the big show. Bobby Heenan insists that there isn’t actually two Doinks, but it’s merely an illusion. Alrighty then. And now there’s a replay of Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker, but let’s go ahead and skip that disaster. The less said, the better.
Rob Bartlett is set to interview the newest member of the WWE, Luna Vachon.
Rob Bartlett: Ladies and gentlemen. I’m very pleased to be here. We’ve got a special interview with a woman you saw for the first time at WrestleMania. Please welcome, Luna Vachon! Hi Luna. How are you? Rob Bartlett, nice to meet you.
Luna Vachon: Alive and awake. You let these people know for those of them that don’t know. I’am the true woman of the 90’s. The woman that erased the line between genius and insanity. The woman that erased the line between beauty and beast. I’am not here to debate and argue about many things, but I ‘am here to say the facts. Sensational Sherri, you’re a witch.
RB: You’re not gonna start spitting up pea soup or anything, are you?
(Crowd starts chanting “Sherri”)
LV: Get out of my face! I’m here to say what I have to say, not to listen to you.
RB: Well, we want to find out exactly what the deal is between you and Sherri? I mean, Sherri is not exactly the kind of woman I would mess with if I were you. She’s, you know, a big….
LV: The only thing strong about Sensational Sherri is her breath and you people know it. You can look at me, strong, sweet, sensuous female and you know I will destroy you.
RB: Be careful. You might pop one of those veins. You can’t be saying that about Sherri. What are you thinking about?
LV: I can say what I want about Sherri.
RB: Yeah, you wouldn’t say that to her face though.
LV: I’ll say it to her face. I’ll say it behind her back. I’ll say it again in the ring. Out of the ring. Anywhere you want me to say it, punk.
RB: Sensational Sherri happens to be here.
Sensational Sherri: You know, I thought you would have a little bit more class than to bring this half breed woman out at Monday Night RAW and disgrace the World Wrestling Fededration. What is your problem?
LV: Face it. I’am a bandit from the wild untamed future. A place it was before and will be again. I’am the ultimate female of the ring. I’am the woman that rules the squared circle and I will wipe you all over the mat like a fine Picasso.
SS: I have stood up against bigger men than you will ever be woman. And you want a piece of me, little girl? Well, you’re gonna get it.
Sherri kicks Luna in the face and then pulls off Bartlett’s vest. She goes back to Luna and gives her a suplex on the outside floor. She picks her up and punches her in the face. Luna grabs a belt and hits Sherri with it. Now they are just grabbing anything within reach and are brawling. Luna has a television cord and is trying to choke Sherri. Sherri’s shirt has been ripped off and she’s only wearing a bra now. Sherri is trying to rip Luna’s pants off. THIS IS AWESOME AND KIND OF HOT! It’s the “Attitude Era” before that was ever a thing. Unfortunately it’s over with now thanks to a bunch of morons coming out and breaking it up.
We’re back and “Macho Man” Randy Savage has the mic now and he’s interviewing Sherri:
“Macho Man” Randy Savage: Oh yeahhhh! You were electric! Need some excitement? Sensational Sherri gave all of us that when she did what she did to Luna Vachon.
Luna Vachon comes running out from back and attacks Sherri from behind! She starts pounding away on her, but Sherri eventually starts giving chase. Sherri starts ripping Luna’s shirt off now while “Macho Man” cheers her on. Of course, Pat Patterson is out here to break it up. If anyone hates naked ladies, it’s that guy. Sherri then issues a challenge to Luna, who has been dragged to the back at this point.
Shango kicks Taylor in the mid-section and throws him into the ropes. Taylor ducks a clothesline and starts hitting Shango, but the shots have no effect. He goes for a dropkick and Shango just brushes it aside. Shango picks him up and starts choking him in the corner and then tosses him. He picks him up again and drops him with an atomic drop. Vince lets us know that Money Incorporated and the Beverly Brothers are in talks to have a match, so that gives some people something to look forward to I guess. Shango starts raking Taylor in the eyes. A powerslam to Taylor now. Shango drops a head butt onto Taylor’s mid-section and then yells at the crowd. Rob Bartlett has come out of the back and he looks all beat up. He faints on the ground and is out of it. Shango meanwhile gives Taylor a suplex. Savage helps Bartlett up just in time for Shango to give Taylor the facebuster. 1…..2…..3! Shango wins. This one was never in doubt.
Winner: Papa Shango via face buster
This is Friar Ferguson’s debut in the WWE. I kind of liked this stupid character when it was first introduced because I always had a soft spot for Mike Shaw, but this is ridiculous for a Monday Night RAW main event. Ferguson dumps water on his face. He’s well hydrated before the match. That’s good. Duffy shoves Friar and does it again, but he doesn’t really move. Friar then shoves Duffy halfway across the ring. Friar starts hammering on Duffy. Duffy gets an eye rake, but Friar hits him with an atomic drop. Friar drops a leg drop now. Duffy rolls out of the ring as he’s had enough. Friar goes after him and throws him back in the ring. Duffy gives Friar an eye rake when he’s on the ring apron though. Duffy tries to catapult him back into the ring, but that backfires and he goes flying out of the ring. Duffy finally gets back in the ring and Friar puts him in the corner and whips him into the other one. He follows that up with a hip toss and a clothesline. Now Friar pulls his wrestling gear up to reveal his sexy legs. Big head butt from Friar now. He picks Duffy up and slams him down and hits a big splash that gets a two-count. Friar throws Duffy into the corner and comes running in with another big splash. He starts praying and kicks Duffy. He slams his head against the turn buckle and Duffy crawls over to the ropes. Friar whips Duffy into the ropes and hits him with an elbow followed by some more shots. Duffy goes down and Friar applies the VULCAN DEATH GRIP. Duffy rakes Friar’s eyes and gets free. That doesn’t last long as Friar gets a back body drop on Duffy and starts choking him with the ropes again. Friar punches Duffy and he goes down. Ferguson whips him into the ropes, but Duffy sunset flips him and tries to get the pin. That doesn’t work and Friar just sits on his chest. 1….2…..3! I expect big things out of Friar Ferguson. Who else gets a victory in their debut match in the MAIN EVENT of Monday Night RAW?
Winner: Friar Ferguson via splash
Before the show ends, Money Incorporated joins that they are going to destroy the Beverly Brothers. That is until the Beverly Brothers come up from behind them and start attacking them. And just like that, the show is over! All in all, this was actually a fairly decent episode of RAW. I guess all we needed was more Beverly Brothers and some half-naked women. I never would have guessed.
Let’s go back to 2017.