The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 3

It’s time once again to hop back in the time machine and go back to 1993 and check out the THIRD ever episode of Monday Night RAW! It’s Ric Flair vs. Mr. Perfect and someone is leaving the WWE for “good”. Who will it be?

Let’s roll baby….

 

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The Time Machine: Monday Night RAW – Episode 3

 

We get things kicked off once again with Sean Mooney on the outside of the building. Is there a reason the WWE doesn’t allow Sean Mooney in the building for RAW? If so, we need to hear it because the guy is obviously suffering having to stand out in the cold in the middle of winter. Anyway, a tow truck rolls up real fast and almost runs Mooney over. Repo Man jumps out of the tow truck holding “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s hat still. I bet you guys didn’t know this, but before Uber was around….tow trucks were the best forms of public transportation:

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Sean Mooney: Repo Man, you’re a little bit late here.

 

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Repo Man: What do you mean I’m a little bit late? Nobody knows where I’am at anytime and I’m here. Did I miss this moment?

SM: I don’t, I don’t know. A lot of people didn’t know if you were going to show up tonight to face the “Macho Man” Randy Savage after what took place last week.

RM: This is like repossessing a brand new Cadillac. Randy Savage, I’m gonna repossess your career just like I repossessed your hat (evil laugh). I’m here. I’m here. You better be ready for me because I’m ready for you (evil laugh).

(Repo Man goes running off into the building)

 

We are joined down at ringside by Vince McMahon, that moron Rob Bartlett and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, which is a major improvement over Randy Savage. How about we just dump Bartlett and make it Vinny Mac and the “Brain”? That would be an improvement for sure.

 

Match #1:

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Repo Man

vs.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage

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Repo enters the ring and walks around the ring with Randy Savage’s hat on. I love Vince McMahon, but he was definitely hurting creative-wise in 1993. He introduces a big new show to the USA Network and decides to push the Repo Man as one of the top guys and the feud is over a freaking hat! A HAT! Yes, it’s as silly as it sounds. Anyway, Savage doesn’t even get an entrance. He just runs down to the ring and starts pounding on Repo. He’s choking and beating Repo against the ropes. He goes outside and punchsizes the hell out of his face. He throws him back into the ring and punches and chokes him again. DON’T FUCK WITH SAVAGE’S HAT! Savage goes to the top rope and comes off with a knee to the throat. They exchange punches and Repo throws Savage out of the ring. Savage gets right back in though and knees Repo out of the ring. Repo says “fuck it” and just starts walking back to the dressing room. Savage gives chase and hits him with an axe handle from behind. Now they are brawling outside. Instead of counting them out and doing his job, the referee is trying to get them back into the ring.  They finally re-enter the ring. Savage starts beating on Repo again in the corner. Repo finally goes back outside the ring. Savage goes outside again and Repo grabs his head and slams it against the ring steps. Repo gets up and does it again. He grabs Savage and throws him into the ring post now. He punches Savage and throws him back into the ring. He tosses “Macho Man” into the corner and whips him into the other corner. He starts choking Savage now. Repo takes Savage down and gets him in a submission lock and starts talking smack to him. Savage gets loose and knocks Repo down. Repo goes for a kick and Savage grabs his foot though and we are heading to a commercial…..

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We are back with Savage down and he punches Repo in the mid-section. He gets up, but Repo is still on the attack. Repo takes him down and hits him with a leg drop. He goes for the pin. 1….2…..not happening. Repo goes for another submission lock now. Savage gets up and kicks Repo in the chest. Repo gets up and nails Savage with a clothesline. He picks Savage up and starts choking him against the ropes. They start exchanging punches and Repo hits him with a suplex. Repo goes for the pin. 1…..2…..NOPE. Repo goes for a choke again as the fans break out in a “MACHO” chant. Savage gets out of the choke and knocks Repo down. Clothesline to Repo Man! Repo gets up and hits Savage in the throat. He picks him up and hits him with a back breaker. Repo goes to the top rope. Savage hits him with a clothesline when he comes down though. Bodyslam to Repo. Savage goes up to the top rope. ELBOW DROP TO REPO! 1……2…….3! Savage wins! Savage picks up Repo and throws him out of the ring and goes to the top rope, but the refs make sure he doesn’t do anymore damage. Savage grabs his hat and the reunion is almost more special than the time Savage reunited with Elizabeth at WrestleMania 7.

Winner: “Macho Man” Randy Savage via elbow drop

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

There’s another RAW girl walking around the ring and blowing kisses at the camera as we get a WRESTLEMANIA 9 commercial! Remember how shitty that one was? Yeesh.

Match #2:

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The Brooklyn Brawler

vs.

Kamala

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I’m expecting a five-star classic here. Anything less and I’ll be highly disappointed. Kamala is here with the Reverend Slick. The Brawler doesn’t even wait for the bell. He goes for the attack on Kamala and tries whipping him into the corner, but Kamala is holding onto the ropes. Kamala throws the Brawler into the corner instead. Kamala charges, but the Brawler moves and goes for a bodyslam. That doesn’t happen. Kamala bodyslams him instead. Brawler is now begging for mercy. He wants a handshake. Kamala is confused. He just chops the Brawler in the head. Big kick to Brawler’s head. He gets Brawler into the corner and hits him with some butt splashes and starts choking him with his foot. Kamala picks him up and starts choking him with the ropes. He goes for the pin on Brawler, but he has him upside down. Another kick to the Brawler’s face. He slams the Brawler’s head into the corner post and whips him into the ropes. Big foot to Brawler’s face. Kamala starts hitting his belly now. He goes for a pin on Brawler again, but once again he’s upside down. He just stands on the Brawler’s back now. Kamala hits the Brawler in the throat and nails him with a BIG SPLASH! Kamala continues to roll him over because he’s confused. He finally gets the Brawler in a pin position. 1……2…….3! Kamala wins. Big shocker there.

Winner: Kamala via big splash.

Vince is now going up to the ring so we can get a word with Kamala and the Slickster…..

Vince McMahon: I must say that what you have done for Kamala, Reverend Slick, is outstanding.

Reverend Slick: Well Vince McMahon, I appreciate the compliments but I cannot take full credit for Kamala, Ugandan Giant, the credit goes to all these wonderful people. You are responsible for the conversion of the Ugandan Giant. You opened up your heart to him and in return, yes, he’s opening up his heart to you. But you know Harvey Whippleman, Kimchee, you better stay out-of-the-way of the Ugandan Giant because I’m not gonna be responsible for what may happen if he gets one look at you.

VM: Thank you very much Reverend Slick as well as the Ugandan Giant, Kamala.

Well, that was well worth everyone’s time. And finally, twenty minutes into the show we get a recap of what happened at the 1993 Royal Rumble which happened the night before. Because you know, Repo Man fighting Randy Savage over a hat is more important. A quick recap of what happened:

Bret Hart beat Razor Ramon to retain the WWE title.

Yokozuna won the Royal Rumble because he’s massive and no one can eliminate him.

Bobby Heenan unveiled the newest member of the WWE, “The Narcissist” Lex Luger. That was memorable.

And finally, the Giant Gonzalez made his long-awaited WWE debut and attacked the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble. They would go on to face each other in a five-star match at WrestleMania that was so good, Giant Gonzalez would leave the WWE forever soon afterwards because there was no topping that one.

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

Main Event:

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Ric Flair

vs.

Mr. Perfect

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This is a “Loser Leaves WWE” match. Vince McMahon actually had agreed to release Ric Flair from his WWE contract and allowed him to go back to WCW. One, because Flair’s WWE run was largely a disappointment outside of his performance in the 92′ Rumble. And two, because Flair was about to seize a lot of control in that promotion. Anyway, the two have a stare down before the match. Someone’s leaving for good. I remember being hyped for this match because it was back before the Internet existed and I had no idea who was going to win. We get a lock-up and Flair backs Perfect into the corner and shoves him. A shoving match ensues now. They lock-up again and Flair gets a headlock. Perfect whips him into the ropes and gets a drop toe-hold. They both get up and Perfect slaps him. Flair rolls out of the ring to take a break. Flair walks over to Heenan and they have a pow wow. Flair gets back in the ring and they lock-up again. They do some back-and-forth and now Perfect has Flair in a submission. Flair gets up and backs Perfect into the corner. Flair starts hitting Perfect with some chops. Perfect counters and starts chopping Flair himself. FLAIR FLOP! Flair goes into the corner and begs for mercy. They lock-up again and Flair hits Perfect in the mid-section with a knee. He backs him up into the corner and starts chopping him again. Perfect counters again and starts chopping Flair. Flair goes down again. Now Perfect is punching Flair and he keeps going down. Flair backs up to the corner and wants some rest. They go for a another lock-up but Flair hits the eye poke. He then tosses Perfect out of the ring. Flair rolls out fo the ring as well and grabs a chair. Not the kind of chair that you see in today’s WWE, but the kind of chair you sat on in school that was uncomfortable as shit. Flair goes to hit Perfect, but the ref breaks it up.

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We are back and Perfect is yanking Flair’s tights down, but Flair punches Perfect and he lets go. Flair starts stomping on Perfect. He whips Perfect into the corner and he goes flying out of the ring. Perfect is now busted up and bleeding. The ref goes outside to check on him. Flair brings him back into the ring and starts pounding on Perfect. He whips him into the corner again and he goes flying once more. Flair gets him in a chin lock and is using the ropes for leverage. WHAT A HEEL! Of course when the ref catches him, Flair denies it. Hey man, his career is on the line. You gotta do what you can to win. Flair whips Perfect into the ropes and Perfect counters with a shot to Flair’s chest. Now they are exchanging blows again. Flair whips Perfect into the corner, but Perfect counters. Flair comes back at Perfect and he knocks him down with a big right. Perfect goes for the pin. 1….2….not yet! Flair punches Perfect in the mid-section and whips him into the ropes. Perfect counters and now they are back-to-back and trying to get the other one over. Perfect finally flips Flair over and gets the pin. 1….2….NOPE! Flair tries to whip Perfect into the ropes, but Perfect counters and hits him with a back bodydrop. Flair is begging for mercy again. Perfect responds with some punches. Flair eventually counters with an atomic drop. Flair gets the rollup pin on Perfect. 1…..2…..NOPE! Flair rolls out of the ring to take a breather. He gets back on the apron and Perfect backdrops him into the ring. He goes for the pin again. 1……2…..ALMOST! Flair gets up and kicks Perfect in the stomach. He whips him into the ropes and puts on the sleeper hold. Perfect goes down and he’s almost out. His arm goes down once. His arm goes down twice. His arm goes down thre……NO!! Perfect is awake and fighting back! He puts Flair into the turnbuckle and he goes down. Perfect whips Flair into the ropes and nails him with a takedown and a side choke. He goes for the pin again. 1……2…..CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR! Perfect still has the choke on. Another pin. 1…..2…..NOPE! They both get up. Flair hits a suplex and both men go down. The ref is going for the ten count, but they manage to get up. Flair grabs Perfect’s legs and FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK ON PERFECT!!!! Flair is grabbing the ropes for leverage as well! The ref counts the pin. 1…..2…..PERFECT KICKS OUT! Another pin. 1……2…..ANOTHER KICK OUT! Flair keeps grabbing the ropes for leverage. The ref finally catches him and makes Flair break the hold. Perfect is up and selling the leg now. Flair continues to attack it. Headlock takedown by Flair and he goes to the top rope. Perfect is up and of course he throws Flair off the top. And we get another commercial….

(COMMERCIAL TIME)

We’re back and Perfect is still limping around the ring. Flair gets in his knee pad and pulls out a foreign object and puts them on his knuckles. He punches Perfect and he goes down. Flair hits an elbow drop and goes for the pin. 1……2…..PERFECT’S FOOT IS ON THE ROPE! Flair moves him away from the ropes and goes for the pin again. 1……2…..PERFECT KICKS OUT! Flair starts pounding away on Perfect’s bloody wound again. Flair puts Perfect in the corner and starts chopping him. Perfect starts no-selling the shots and shaking his head. Perfect is pissed and jacked up! He starts chopping Flair in the corner now! He throws Flair into the ropes and gets the backdrop! He whips him into the ropes and Flair goes flying out. He lands on the ring apron though and goes straight to the top rope. He jumps off the top and Perfect hits him with a clothesline. Perfect goes for the pin. 1…..2…..ALMOST! Flair backs up to the corner and grabs Perfect’s legs and takes him down. He gets the pin and puts his feet on the ropes. 1……2…..NO! Another pin. 1……2…..NO! And another pin. 1……2…..NO! The ref finally notices Flair’s feet and kicks them off. Perfect reverses it in a roll-up pin of his own! 1……2…..ALMOST! Flair whips Perfect into the ropes. PERFECT PLEX TO FLAIR! 1…..2…..3!!!!! IT’S OVER!!!!!  MR. PERFECT WINS AND FLAIR HAS TO LEAVE THE WWE!!!! Bobby Heenan is pissed and starts swearing. That was a fantastic match and was easily the best one to date on RAW.

Winner: Mr. Perfect via Perfect-Plex

And that’s all she wrote for this episode. It’s time to get back in the time machine and go BACK to 2017…….

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