The last one. Can you believe I actually managed to finish them all? Personally, before I even started doing these, I figured I would quit doing them around 2003-04ish. That just felt like a safe bet to me. However, here we are at the last one AND WE DID IT ADRIAN! The 2015 Royal Rumble was the worst one in history, can this one top it? For the first time in history, WWE Champion Roman Reigns has to defend his title in the Royal Rumble. The odds are stacked against him. Can he pull it off?……
LET’S DO THIS!
Royal Rumble 2016
Our first two entries are;
#1 – Roman Reigns
#2 – Rusev
The title of this Royal Rumble is “One vs. ALL” because Roman Reigns has to win the Royal Rumble in order to keep his WWE Championship. And to make things even more difficult for him, he gets #1. He won the thing last year, can he defy the odds and pull off a back-to-back win? Probably. He comes and out gets booed, even though he’s technically a “fan favorite” and the WWE’s golden boy. He poses on the top rope with his title belt. Unfortunately things don’t look good right away for Reigns as Rusev gets #2. He doesn’t mess around. He stares down Reigns. They start exchanging blows. Reigns whips him into the ropes, but Rusev counters. Reigns kicks Rusev in the face. Reigns picks up Rusev, but Rusev hits him. Sidekick from Rusev to Reigns. Rusev picks him up and tries throwing him out. Reigns is holding on of course. A headbutt to Rusev gets Reigns back in control. Rusev throws Reigns out of the ring, but he goes through the middle rope. Rusev thinks that Reigns is out and starts celebrating and Reigns kicks him in the head. Reigns gets back in the ring. SPEAR TO RUSEV! Reigns picks him up and tosses him out (elimination #1). The fans boo that one. Here comes #3…….
#3 – A.J. Styles
A.J. STYLES IS HERE MAKING HIS LONG AWAITED WWE DEBUT!!!!! Reigns and Styles have a stare down. The fans break out in a “AJ Styles” chant! They lock up and Reigns tries to get him over, but Styles counters. Kick to the face of Reigns and he goes down! Styles picks him up, but Reigns counters into a Samoan Drop. Here comes #4 now……
#4 – Tyler Breeze
Oh god. This guy sucks. His gimmick is he likes to take selfies and look at himself. Booooooring. Reigns goes to punch Breeze, but he ducks and punches Styles. He turns around and kicks Reigns in the head. Now a kick to Styles knocks him down. Breeze starts posing and goes over and tries throwing Reigns out. He has Reigns on the verge of elimination. The crowd breaks out in another “AJ Styles” chant. Styles grabs Breeze and clotheslines him down. He picks him up and tries throwing him out, but Breeze is fighting back. Reigns comes over and hits Breeze in the head and Styles drops him out of the ring (elimination #2). It’s Styles vs. Reigns again. Not for long though, here comes #5……
#5 – Curtis Axel
Curtis Axel is here with his buddies the “Social Outcasts”. No matter how you dress Axel up, the guy still sucks ass. I don’t get how someone so awesome like Mr. Perfect could produce this garbage. Axel goes right after Reigns and starts abusing the hell out of him. Axel takes his shirt off and throws Styles into the corner. Styles starts fighting back. He whips Axel into the ropes, but Axel hits him with a boot to the face. Reigns punches Axel and follows up with another one. He lifts him up and goes to throw him out. Heath Slater jumps on the apron and Reigns punches him. Reigns goes back to punching Axel now. Adam Rose is on the apron and Styles knocks him off with a big punch. Now Bo Dallas gets up on the apron and Reigns punches him off of course. Reigns kicks Axel in the legs. He gets up and gets clotheslined by Styles out of the ring (elimination #3). And now here comes #6…….
#6 – Chris Jericho
This should be fun. Jericho comes walking down. He goes after Reigns and starts hitting him. Chop to Styles now. Reigns kicks Jericho and whips him into the ropes. He charges Jericho, but Jericho moves out-of-the-way. Styles kicks Jericho now. He whips him into the ropes and hits him with a big clothesline. He picks Jericho up. He’s going for the Styles Clash, but Jericho counters it and is going for the Walls of Jericho. Reigns comes over and punches Jericho. And here comes #7 now……
#7 – Kane
Of course. It wouldn’t be a Royal Rumble without Kane. Kane will be 98 years old and still making Royal Rumble appearances. He punches Reigns. Punches Jericho. Styles starts punching Kane. He goes off the ropes and Kane gives him a big boot. Big splash to Reigns now. He picks Reigns up and gives him a side slam. Kane goes back to working on Jericho. He tries tossing him out, but Jericho holds on. Kane starts stomping on Styles now. Kane picks up Styles and tries tossing him out while the fans chant Styles name again. Here comes another entrant…….
#8 – Goldust
Goldust is making his 11th appearance in the Royal Rumble and he’s never had much of an impact, so don’t expect much. He starts squaring off with Kane. Bulldog headlock sends Kane down. Styles kicks Goldust in the head and knocks him down. Jericho suplexes Styles. Jericho goes over to the corner and starts working on Goldust, but Kane starts hitting Jericho. We get another “AJ Styles” chant. Goldust is chopping on Jericho in the corner and whips him. Jericho answers with a boot to the face. And #9 is on their way now……
#9 – Ryback
Ryback gets booed by the crowd. They don’t like him. He knocks Styles down. Knocks Jericho down. Knees Reigns in the face. Knees Goldust in the face. Picks up Kane and gives him a spinebuster. FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! Ryback is now trying to toss Jericho out of the ring, but he’s holding on. Goldust comes over to toss Ryback out. Styles has Reigns on the verge of elimination. DO IT AJ! Jericho comes over to give Goldust a hand against Ryback, but Ryback sneaks back in the ring. Here comes #10……
#10 – Kofi Kingston
Jericho is standing on Styles face in the corner. Kofi comes in and starts working on Goldust. He punches Jericho now. He’s trying to toss Y2J out. Kofi grabs Reigns and tries tossing him out now. He’s not messing around tonight. Ryback gives Styles a back body drop that sends him flying. Styles got some serious height there. Styles hit Jericho with a move off the top rope and Goldust picks him up and tries throwing him out. Styles hangs on though. Just in time for #11……
#11 – Titus O’Neil
This guy sucks at Royal Rumbles. Let’s see what he has up his sleeve this year. He gives Kofi a shoulder block immediately upon entering the ring. Kick to Goldust’s face. Clothesline to Reigns. He grabs Jericho and throws him into the ropes. He picks him up slams him into his knee. He does the same thing to Styles. Titus is jacked up. Now he starts working on Kane. He runs over and splashes Goldust. He does the same thing to Kane. Titus almost suplexes Goldust out of the ring, but he manages to land on the apron. Titus bounces off the ropes and finishes the job (elimination #4). Jericho and Kane start pounding on Titus in the corner now. Kofi is trying to get Reigns out and The New Day are begging Kofi to throw him onto them. Here comes another entrant……
#12 – R-Truth
R-Truth runs down and goes for something under the ring. He’s grabbing a ladder. He throws the ladder inside the ring. He sets it up. Everyone is just watching him. Truth starts climbing the ladder now. He’s going for the title belt, but of course….it’s not there. Truth thinks this is a ladder match for the championship. HAHAHAHA! Kane pulls Truth off the ladder and grabs him by the throat and throws him out (elimination #5). Kane grabs the ladder and tosses it out. Kofi runs up behind Kane and is trying to get him out. It doesn’t work. Kane pays him back with a clothesline and Kofi goes flying out. Fortunately for Kofi, he lands on the shoulders of Big E. Langston and they start dancing. The New Day start leading Kofi around the ring while the fans chant “NEW DAY ROCKS”. Kofi gets a soda from a fan and starts drinking it. Back in the ring, Reigns has Ryback on the verge of elimination. Here comes lucky #13……
#13 – Luke Harper
Harper of the Wyatt Family is here and he’s not playing around. He punches Ryback in the face. Kofi is still on the shoulders of Langston outside the ring. From out of nowhere, here comes Vince McMahon with the League of Nations. Sheamus, Rusev, and Alberto Del Rio pull Reigns out of the ring and start beating on him. They throw him into the ring steps. And they do it one more time. Sheamus and ADR pick up Reigns and Rusev kicks him in the face. Now ADR kicks him in the face. They pick him up again and yep, you guessed it. BROGUE KICK TO REIGNS! And here comes #14……
#14 – Stardust
The League of Nations pick Reigns up and set him down on the announce table. Rusev gets up on the other announce table. He hits Reigns with a big splash and it breaks the table. Reigns is out cold. Vince McMahon gives the League of Nations a big hug and they are out of here. Job well done boys. While all of that was happening, Kofi Kingston got back in the ring and was the victim of the ol’ phantom elimination (elimination #6). Here comes the halfway point……
#15 – Big Show
Big Show has a stare down with the League of Nations on the way in. Everyone in the ring is awaiting Show’s arrival. He grabs Stardust and throws him down. Chop to Jericho. Chop to Stardust. Titus runs over and hits Show. He’s trying to lift him over. Nope. Show grabs him and throws him over (elimination #7). Reigns is now being helped to the back by the paramedics and there’s a stretcher behind him. This is serious folks and I’m starting to worry about the guy. Ryback is on the ring apron and Show walks over and punches him off (elimination #8). Harper goes off the ropes and Show clotheslines him. He picks up Jericho and throws him over, but Jericho lands on the apron. Big chop to Styles from Show. Show grabs Styles by the throat, but AJ escapes and jumps on Show’s back. And here comes #16…….
#16 – Neville
This dude runs down and goes right to the top rope. He nails Harper with a big dropkick. Kicks to Stardust now. Neville goes outside on the ring apron and jumps back in and hits Harper with a hurracanrana! He kicks Jericho, but Styles grabs Neville and tries to throw him over. The medical staff is trying to get Reigns on the stretcher, but he’s refusing to get on it. Stardust whips Neville into the corner and starts pounding on him. We get another “AJ Styles” chant. Styles grabs Stardust and tosses him over, but he lands on the ring apron. Here comes another entrant……
#17 – Braun Strowman
Another member of the Wyatt Family is here and he’s the biggest one they got. He clotheslines Neville. Kicks Jericho. Clotheslines Styles. Kane grabs him by the throat. Braun grabs Kane though and tosses him out with one hand (elimination #9). Uh oh. It’s Braun vs. Big Show in the middle of the ring now. Vince is having an orgasm. They start exchanging blows. Show grabs him by the throat. Strowman escapes though and takes Show over to the ropes in a choke. Strowman goes to throw him over and gets the job done (elimination #10). Strowman goes over and starts choking Jericho. And here comes #18…..
#18 – Kevin Owens
Owens is making his Royal Rumble debut. Apparently he was in a match earlier and he’s pretty beat up. He’s limping down to the ring. He wants this WWE Championship! He gets in the ring and starts going at it with Styles. The crowd loves that. Neville grabs Styles and throws him out, but he lands on the ring apron. He flips back over Neville with a sunset flip and goes for the Styles Clash! Owens kicks Styles in the face though! Owens picks him up and says “Welcome to the WWE” and tosses Styles out for good (elimination #11). And you guessed it, the crowd didn’t like that one bit. Owens goes over and starts pounding on Jericho now. Owens makes sure to wave goodbye to Styles. The fans once again break out in a “AJ Styles” chant. Jericho is now kneeing Owens and tries throwing him out. And here comes #19……..
#19 – Dean Ambrose
Ambrose is apparently the guy who beat up Owens earlier in the evening and Owens is now waiting for him in the ring. They start brawling immediately. Harper lifts Stardust up and gets him on the ring apron. Ambrose and Owens are brawling in the corner. The fans are chanting “AJ” as he makes his way to the back. Owens and Stardust are now teaming together and going after Neville. Her comes #20……
#20 – Sami Zayn
Zayn is here and Owens is eye-balling him already. Does Owens have beef with everyone in the WWE? Zayn goes after Owens and they start brawling. Zayn throws Owens into the corner and starts nailing him with some big shots. Owens finally gets the advantage though and hits Zayn with a big shot. He picks Sami up and goes to throw him over, but Sami throws Owens over instead (elimination #12)! Harper immediately runs over and grabs Zayn and throws him into the corner. Harper and Jericho are trying to get him out. The crowd breaks out in a “SAMI” chant. #21 is headed down now……
#21 – Erick Rowan
Rowan is the third member of the Wyatt Family. The only one we are missing is Bray himself. Rowan kicks Jericho in the mid-section. Suplex to Jericho. He grabs Neville and gives him a back breaker. He tosses Neville out, but Neville hangs on with only one arm. He pulls himself back up, but Harper runs over and clotheslines the shit out of him (elimination #13). Rowan picks up Stardust and goes to suplex him, but just sets him on the ring apron. Harper comes from behind Rowan and kicks Stardust in the face ending his night (elimination #14). Jericho starts beating on Strowman, but Braun gives him a choke. Rowan picks up Ambrose and slams him down. Braun is choking Jericho still. Harper is beating on Zayn and Rowan has Ambrose down. And here comes #22…..
#22 – Mark Henry
Henry hasn’t been in the Royal Rumble in a few years. We’ve missed you Mark. Henry gets in the ring and starts clubbing Harper. Punches to Strowman now. Strowman picks up Henry and slams him. Now the Wyatt Family all go after Henry and throw him out of the ring (elimination #15). It wasn’t meant to be Mark. Sami runs over and tries throwing Rowan out, but that’s a mistake. The Wyatt’s are now ganging up on him. Rowan wants to throw him over. Braun picks him up and obliges (elimination #16). Ambrose is up now and he’s fighting for his life against the Wyatt’s. Here comes #23…….
#23 – Brock Lesnar
OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!! BUSINESS HAS JUST PICKED UP!!!! Lesnar is here with Paul Heyman. He hops in the ring and hits both Jericho and Strowman. Suplex to Rowan! Suplex to Harper! Strowman starts pounding on Brock though. He whips Brock into the corner. Brock hits him with some big shots that put him down though. The fans are now chanting “SUPLEX CITY”! Clothesline to Rowan gets him against the ropes and Brock eliminates him with another one (elimination #17)! He grabs Harper. SUPLEX! It’s Brock’s world. Y’all just living in it. He goes to suplex Strowman, but Strowman backs him into the corner. Strowman charges Brock, but Lesnar moves. Lesnar knocks him down! And here comes another entrant……
#24 – Jack Swagger
Swagger runs in the ring and tries to clothesline Brock, but Lesnar ducks. F-5 TO SWAGGER! Brock picks him up and throws him out (elimination #18). Thanks for coming buddy. Brock grabs Ambrose now. SUPLEX! Brock grabs Harper. SUPLEX! Everyone is down but Brock. Brock turns his attention to Jericho. He runs over and knees Strowman instead. Another knee puts Strowman down. And one more knee for good measure. Here comes #25…….
#25 – The Miz
If I were The Miz, I would just turn around. Lesnar is waiting for him and he’s totally game. Miz stays on the outside of the ring and just talks shit to Lesnar. Instead of getting in the ring, Miz goes to the commentary table and hops on commentary. Wow, the guy is extremely smart. Lesnar grabs Harper. SUPLEX! Miz tells Michael Cole that you have to take the perfect opportunity to enter the Rumble and it’s not his time yet. Good call because Lesnar is still beating on everyone in the ring. Big clothesline to Strowman. Suplex to Harper! Harper gets up and Lesnar clotheslines him out of the ring (elimination #19). Just in time for #26…….
#26 – Alberto Del Rio
ADR runs down and he grabs Lesnar and puts him against the ropes. Ambrose comes over to give him an assist. They finally have Lesnar reeling. Strowman is pounding away on Jericho. Miz is still doing commentary. It’s still not a good time to get in yet. Lesnar starts hitting Strowman with some big punches now. Strowman is against the ropes! A huge shot puts Braun Strowman out for good (elimination #20)! Lesnar is NOT to be fucked with tonight! Lesnar looks at everyone else in the ring and begs them to get up. Ambrose grabs ADR and tries eliminating him. And here comes #27……
#27 – Bray Wyatt
The Wyatt Family have all been eliminated by Lesnar and here comes the leader now. Wyatt tells the Wyatt Family to get back in the ring. They do and they all start ganging up on Lesnar. The Wyatt Family is beating down on Lesnar. Big clothesline from Braun. Braun picks him up and Rowan gives him a headbutt. Lesnar is fighting back though! He throws Rowan and Harper out of the ring! He pushes Strowman back out! Brock has a stare down with Bray now. Bray is trying to talk his way out of it. He goes for a clothesline though. Brock ducks. SUPLEX TO BRAY! Brock picks up Bray for the F-5. Harper is back in the ring though and he kicks Lesnar in the face and he goes down. The Wyatt Family are back in the ring and beating on Brock. SISTER ABIGAIL TO LESNAR! Bray tells them to throw Lesnar out. The Wyatt Family does exactly that and Lesnar is gone (elimination #21). The crowd boos that and I don’t blame them. Wyatt starts working on Jericho now. Here comes #28……
#28 – Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler sprints down and nails Wyatt with a splash. FAMEASSER TO JERICHO! ADR runs at Ziggler and he gets a DDT. Miz says that it’s finally time for him to enter the Royal Rumble. He jumps in the ring and tries throwing Dolph out, but Ziggler hangs on. Miz starts celebrating. Ziggler gets back in the ring and tries to kick Miz, but Miz counters with the SKULL CRUSHING FINALE! Miz starts celebrating again because he’s the only one standing. He picks up Ziggler and goes to throw him out. Jericho is up now and tries eliminating Miz. Wyatt and Ambrose are brawling now. Miz with a big clothesline to Jericho in the corner. And here comes #29……
#29 – Sheamus
Sheamus won the 2012 Royal Rumble, but that was a long time ago. He looks a lot goofier these days to. Roman Reigns comes flying out of nowhere and hits Sheamus with the SUPERMAN PUNCH before Sheamus even gets in the ring! He runs into the ring and throws Miz out right away (elimination #22). ADR charges Reigns, but Reigns ducks. Samoan Drop to ADR! ADR gets up and he’s clotheslined out of the ring by Reigns (elimination #23). Ziggler runs up behind Reigns and tries getting him out and that gets a HUGE reaction from the crowd. Reigns throws him off. SUPERMAN PUNCH TO ZIGGLER! Wyatt runs over to Reigns and starts beating on him. Big boot to Wyatt from Reigns! Wyatt gets up and starts hitting everyone though. SUPERMAN PUNCH TO WYATT! The crowd boos. Here comes #30 and of course it’s…….
#30 – HHH
IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!!!! HHH is a surprise entrant and if no one else can eliminate Roman Reigns…..he will get the job done himself. Reigns is talking shit to HHH as he makes his way down to the ring. They have a stare down. Ziggler charges HHH. PEDIGREE TO ZIGGLER! HHH stares at Reigns again. Wyatt gets up and goes after Reigns, but he gets knocked down. Reigns and HHH start staring at each other again. They circle the ring now. Finally they start fighting! They are trading punches back-and-forth. Reigns gets HHH down and the fans boo. Reigns whips HHH into the ropes, but HHH counters with a knee to the face. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Reigns counters and lifts HHH up. HHH escapes though. And just like that, Sheamus grabs Reigns and Ambrose grabs HHH and they both try tossing them out. BROGUE KICK TO AMBROSE! ROCK BOTTOM FROM WYATT TO SHEAMUS! Jericho runs up behind Wyatt and nails him with a bulldog! LIONSAULT TO WYATT! Jericho goes for a springboard dropkick on Reigns, but Reigns lands on the apron again. ZIG ZAG TO JERICHO! Ziggler runs over to HHH who is still on the ring apron. Ziggler kicks him in the chin, but HHH manages to hang on. Ziggler goes for another kick, but HHH moves and Ziggler falls out of the ring. He lands on the apron though while HHH sneaks back in. Ziggler gets back in as well. FAMEASSER TO HHH! Ziggler charges at HHH again, but HHH moves and throws him out (elimination #24). Wyatt goes face-to-face with HHH now. HHH points at Reigns. They appear to be on the same table. Nope. Wyatt punches HHH and throws him into the corner. Splash from Wyatt. Wyatt does his weird crab walk thing. HHH grabs him and goes for the Pedigree, but Wyatt escapes. Wyatt goes for the Sister Abigail on HHH, but BROGUE KICK TO WYATT! Sheamus picks up Wyatt and goes to eliminate him. HHH gets up and gives him a hand and he’s gone (elimination #25). Reigns runs up from behind HHH and Sheamus and goes to dump them, but they both hang on. Jericho with an inzuguri to Reigns! Ambrose runs up behind Jericho and grabs him and tries throwing him out, but Jericho lands on the apron. Sheamus picks Ambrose up and tries tossing him out, but Ambrose survives. They have a little back-and-forth while Jericho is on the top rope. Ambrose with a swinging neckbreaker. Jericho with a cross body splash onto Ambrose. HHH grabs Jericho and goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters it into the Walls of Jericho. HHH gets out though. CODEBREAKER TO HHH! Ambrose grabs Jericho and throws him out (elimination #26)! AND WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!!!!!!
The Final Four:
Who wants it?????
SUPERMAN PUNCH TO HHH! Sheamus and Ambrose and exchanging blows. Sheamus tries to suplex Ambrose, but he escapes. He gets Sheamus against the ropes. He tries kicking him out, but Sheamus holds on. He tries again but BROGUE KICK TO AMBROSE! Sheamus waits for Ambrose to get up again and goes for another Brogue Kick. This time Ambrose moves and Sheamus falls out on the ring apron. SUPERMAN PUNCH TO SHEAMUS AND HE’S GONE (elimination #27)! HHH runs up behind Roman Reigns and throws him out (elimination #28)!!!! SUCK IT TO ROMAN REIGNS!!! THE CROWD GOES ABSOLUTELY WILD!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! It’s Dean Ambrose vs. HHH! Ambrose is psyched! They start exchanging blows. Ambrose is biting HHH’s forehead! The fans start a “LET’S GO AMBROSE” chant now. Ambrose whips HHH into the ropes, but HHH counters with a knee. Clothesline from Ambrose! HHH is on the ropes and Ambrose charges him. HHH kicks him in the mid-section. He goes for the Pedigree, but Ambrose escapes! Ambrose goes to throw HHH over, but he lands on the ring apron! Ambrose charges HHH and nails him in the mid-section, but HHH holds on! Ambrose tries again, but this time HHH hits Ambrose with a knee to the head. HHH sticks his head under Ambrose’s leg and lifts him out and over the ring. HHH WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!
This was a fairly good Royal Rumble. The only complaint I would have is HHH winning the thing. It would have been really nice had Dean Ambrose shocked the world and pulled it off. Just once….ONCE I would like to see someone totally unexpected win the Royal Rumble and have it be a good result (not like Vince McMahon in 1999). I’ve been watching these things for almost 30 years now. Is it too much to ask to get someone who no one expected to win to walk away with it all? Recommend this one, but the ending may disappoint you a little.
Royal Rumble Review Grade: **1/2