These were tough times for the WWE in 2006. Just two months before the Royal Rumble, Eddie Guerrero passed away and the wrestling world was still trying to recover from that huge loss. Little did someone know that they had an angel looking over their shoulder and that angel was definitely on display during this Royal Rumble…….
LET’S DO THIS!
Royal Rumble 2006
Our first two entries are;
#1 – Triple H
#2 – Rey Mysterio Jr.
Lillian Garcia goes to announce the rules of the Royal Rumble, but she gets interrupted by the Spirit Squad. The Spirit Squad are here to do some cheering apparently. The only thing of note here is that Dolph Ziggler is one of them. The rest of them all sucked and weren’t worth a damn. Surprisingly no one comes down and the Spirit Squad just go away. And the purpose of that was???? Anyway, HHH is #1 and Rey Mysterio is #2. Apparently that was Eddie’s work according to Rey and if he wants to believe that, we are going to let him. Rey is wearing an Eddie tribute t-shirt and comes down in a lowrider. OK, he’s winning this thing. If anyone eliminates him, they’re an asshole. We get an “Eddie” chant and things finally get started. HHH whips Rey into the ropes, but Rey counters and hits HHH with a knee. Springboard dropkick to HHH. Tilt-a-whirl headscissors to HHH now! Rey is now hitting HHH with the “ten-punch” corner punches. HHH tries to throw Rey out, but Rey holds on. Rey gets back in the ring and gets HHH into the ropes. Rey goes for the 619, but HHH moves. And here comes #3……
#3 – Simon Dean
This guy is back and last year he spent the whole time warming up before getting tossed. He comes down on a Segway. Why waste energy when you don’t have to? Dean gets in the ring and goes right after Rey. HHH just watches. Dean gives HHH a thumbs up. He goes to eliminate Rey, but Rey holds on. Dean wants a high-five from HHH. HHH punches him though and Rey comes flying in and lands on Dean. They now pick him up and throw him out (elimination #1). That guy just isn’t built for Rumbles. It’s HHH vs. Rey again. They start exchanging blows. HHH whips Rey into the ropes, but Rey counters with a drop toehold. BRONCO BUSTER TO HHH! Rey points to the sky. And here comes #4…….
4 – Psicosis
Here’s a guy that Rey Mysterio is real familiar with. Psicosis of “The Mexicools”. Psicosis runs down and goes right after Rey. He hits HHH with a scissors kick. Now Rey and Psicosis double-team HHH. Psiscosis nails Rey with a facebuster now. He throws Rey into the corner and hits HHH with some kicks. Psicosis goes to throw Rey out with a powerbomb, but Rey counters with a headscissors that ends with Psicosis getting tossed from the ring (elimination #2). Just in time for another entrant…..
5 – Ric Flair
HHH hits Rey with a big spinebuster and now he’s staring at the entrance ramp as his old buddy Ric Flair runs down. Flair and HHH are trading blows. Flair gets HHH into the corner and starts chopping him! The crowd is loving this. Backdrop to HHH! WOOOOOOO!!! Flair with some more punches and chops! HHH is reeling now! Flair whips HHH into the ropes, but HHH counters with a knee to the face. FLAIR GRABS HHH’S BALLS! Right hand to HHH! Thumb to the eye of HHH! Flair charges at HHH and HHH backdrops him out (elimination #3). The crowd didn’t like that one. Maybe they’ll like the next guy?……
6 – Big Show
Big Show returns to the Royal Rumble and apparently he has a score to settle with HHH as well. HHH isn’t liking this one bit. HHH charges Show, but he gets a headbutt for that. Show is now bullying HHH in the corner. A chop to Big Show from his hand that is in a cast courtesy of HHH. Rey Mysterio finally gets up and Big Show gives him a headbutt. Should’ve stayed down fella. HHH finally has Big Show reeling, but Show hits him with a sidewalk slam. He picks HHH up and goes to throw him out, nope…just throws him on the mat instead. Elbow drop to HHH. And here comes #7……
#7 – Jonathan Coachman
Coachman is back in the Royal Rumble again. His dumb ass goes right after Big Show and Show no-sells him. Coach is scared for good reason. He’s now begging for mercy. Show just grabs him by the throat and eliminates him (elimination #4). Welp, that was well worth it. HHH kicks Show and goes off the ropes. Show just lifts him up and slams him. Big Show is not fucking around tonight. Rey is still on the floor and I don’t blame him. A big chop sends HHH down. Show is now stomping on HHH’s head. Here comes #8……
#8 – Bobby Lashley
This guy was a big disappointment in the WWE, wasn’t he? Lashley goes right after Show and they have a stare-down. Lashley shoves Show. Show responds with a punch that knocks Lashley down. Show goes for a chokeslam but Lashley counters it. Lashley hits Show in the knee and it gets the big guy to the ground. Lashley kicks Show and that sends him out of the ring, only through the bottom rope. Lashley picks up Rey and just WHIPS him into the corner. Here comes another entrant…..
#9 – Kane
And they just keep getting bigger. Kane is apparently Big Show’s tag team partner at this point in time and he’s having a stare down with Lashley already. Kane gets in the ring and the two beasts square off. They trade punches. Kane gets the advantage and the two just run into each other, but neither moves. Big boot to Lashley though! Big right to Lashley now! Belly to belly suplex to Kane though! Lashley picks HHH up and just throws him. DOMINATOR TO KANE FROM LASHLEY! Lashley is pumped now and he poses for the crowd. Here comes another victim……
#10 – Sylvan
OK. Sylvan is a fashion designer I guess. He tries talking things through with Lashley and he wants to team up. Lashley turns around and Sylvan hits him from behind. Lashley no-sells it though. Sylvan is still hitting him, but it’s not working. Lashley just eliminates Sylvan because he sucks (elimination #5). Lashley turns around and Kane and Big Show are waiting for him. DOUBLE CHOKESLAM TO LASHLEY! Kane wants to throw him out. They pick him up and it’s BYE BYE Lashley (elimination #6). Kane is smiling at Big Show and they start trading punches. Kane gets Big Show against the ropes, but Show responds with a headbutt. Show rushes Kane and gets a boot for good measure. Kane grabs Show by the throat and they go against the ropes. Show grabs Kane by the throat as well. HHH comes over and just dumps them both (eliminations #7 & #8)! And here comes #11…….
#11 – Carlito
YESSS!!!!! I SPIT IN THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO BE COOL! Carlito is cool and you’re not cool if you didn’t like Carlito. He comes down and he means business. He starts stomping on Rey. He also starts stomping on HHH. He’s just going back and forth between the two. He whips Rey into the ropes, but Rey holds on. He hits Carlito with a boot. BACKBREAKER TO REY FROM CARLITO THOUGH! Carlito continues stomping Rey, but HHH comes over and pokes Carlito in the eye. HHH whips him into the ropes, but Carlito counters. Here comes another entrant…..
#12 – Chris Benoit
Benoit is here and everyone in the ring is aware of it. Benoit is just unloading on everyone. Suplex to Rey! Chop to HHH! Suplex to HHH! Suplex to Carlito! Carlito counters though! NO! CROSS-FACE TO CARLITO!!!!! HHH breaks that up though. He grabs Benoit and throws him into the corner. He picks Benoit up and goes to backdrop him out of the ring, but Benoit lands on the apron. Benoit starts punching HHH now. He’s trying to suplex HHH over the top rope now. They are going back and forth. HHH eventually lifts Benoit up onto the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH and he falls off the top. FLYING HEADBUTT FROM BENOIT! Here comes lucky #13…….
#13 – Booker T
Booker goes right after Benoit. They start exchanging blows. Booker goes to throw Benoit out, but Benoit counters and throws Booker out instead (elimination #9). Benoit is now chopping HHH while Rey is doing the same to Carlito. Suplex to HHH. Benoit goes to lift HHH up, but he’s holding on for dear life. Carlito is throwing Rey around and then walks over and stops Benoit from eliminating HHH. And here comes another entrant……
#14 – Joey Mercury
Mercury of “MNM” goes right after Carlito. Not cool bro. He hits Carlito with a jawbreaker. He whips Carlito into the ropes and charges him. He now starts punching everyone in the ring. Benoit comes up from behind and hits Mercury with a suplex. Mercury gets up though and counters Benoit. Carlito walks over and chops Mercury. Carlito starts stomping him now. Here comes the halfway point……
15 – Tatanka
TATANKA IS BACK! After years away, Tatanka has returned to the WWE. Everyone is confused. Tatanka just unloads on everyone in the ring, namely HHH and Carlito. Mercury comes over to get him some, but Tatanka makes him pay for that. The crowd is digging themselves some Tatanka. A big chop to Mercury gets everyone going. Tatanka is working on Mercury while Benoit is now trying to eliminate HHH again. Another entrant is headed down…..
16 – Johnny Nitro
Nitro of “MNM” rushes down to the ring to help his partner. Just in time to because Tatanka just gave him a backdrop. That doesn’t work out though as Tatanka starts beating on Nitro. Benoit almost got HHH out, but he slipped back in the ring. Carlito almost got Rey out as well, but he holds on. Carlito tries throwing him out again, but Rey once again slips back in. We are getting another “Eddie” chant now. Here comes #17……
#17 – Trevor Murdoch
Murdoch is here to do some damage. He goes right after Tatanka. What a racist. MNM are just abusing Benoit with shots right now. HHH goes to throw Rey out, but Rey once again hangs on. That guy has nine lives tonight. HHH rewards him with some stomps. Murdoch and Carlito have Tatanka on the edge of elimination. Benoit is trying to fight back against MNM. The ring is full and we are adding someone else to the mix……
#18 – Eugene
Meh. Eugene gets in and he wants to shake hands with Murdoch. Murdoch just slaps him though. That pisses Eugene off. He starts punching Murdoch now. He lifts Murdoch up and gives him the airplane spin. Rey comes over and DOUBLE BULLDOG to Eugene and Murdoch! MNM are still beating on Benoit. And here comes #19…….
#19 – Road Warrior Animal
The ring is getting full and now we have Animal here to bless us with his appearance. He gets in the ring and MNM goes right after him. Apparently they have beef. They whip him into the ropes and he double clotheslines them. He picks up HHH and slams him. Now he goes over and starts beating on Murdoch. We get a “LOD” chant now. Eugene goes to throw Murdoch over, but Murdoch sneaks back in because we need him in this thing. OK. Some people need to start going out here. Not Carlito though! He manages to hang on for dear life. Oh great. Here comes another one…….
#20 – Rob Van Dam
RVD is making a comeback here apparently. He starts hitting everyone in the ring. A big “RVD” chant breaks out! RVD just gives no fucks and is hitting anyone around him. Now RVD and Benoit are having a stare-down. Spin kick to the jaw of Benoit knocks him down. RVD starts pondering to the crowd now and Animal goes to take advantage, but RVD moves and sends Animal out of the ring instead (elimination #10). Finally, we have some people going out. Carlito starts stomping on RVD. Here comes #21……
#21 – Orlando Jordan
Yawn. We get rid of one crappy guy and we get another one in his place. Yay. Jordan goes right after Tatanka. The crowd is still chanting for “RVD”. Eugene is still trying to eliminate Murdoch, but that guy is still holding on. WE NEED HIM HERE MAN! RVD nails Carlito with a big kick to the jaw. The ring is just really full right now and it’s hard to keep track of the action. Carlito almost goes out thanks to RVD, but he manages to hold on. Great. Here comes another one……
#22 – Chavo Guerrero
Chavo points at the sky as he heads on his way down. He’s going to win this thing for his uncle Eddie. Chavo starts nailing everyone in sight. We get another “Eddie” chant. Flying headscissor to Carlito from Chavo. Snap suplex to Nitro and we are now getting the THREE AMIGOS! Chavo goes up to the top rope and he’s going for the frog splash. Well, until HHH comes over and shoves Chavo off the top (elimination #11). That angers Benoit who comes over and starts stomping on HHH. So does Eugene and Mercury. And here comes #23…….
#23 – Matt Hardy V1
Hardy goes right after MNM and they trade blows. SIDE EFFECT TO MERCURY! TWIST OF FATE TO JORDAN! Tatanka picks up Mercury and slams him. Rey and RVD have HHH on the verge of elimination but he somehow sneaks back in. MNM are double-teaming Tatanka and they hit him with a double-team move and pick him up and throw him out (elimination #12). Not a bad showing for Tatanka. Here comes #24……
#24 – Super Crazy
Super Crazy goes right up to the top rope and hits MNM with a flying splash. He proceeds to beat on Mercury. Carlito goes to suplex Mercury out, but Mercury counters and puts Carlito on the ropes. Carlito is hanging on for dear life. Rey hits Carlito with a dropkick, but Carlito hangs on still. And here comes another entrant…..
#25 – Shawn Michaels
The crowd is jacked for HBK. HBK goes right after every one of course. He’s literally punching the entire WWE roster at this moment. Murdoch slows HBK down and starts beating on him in the corner. Murdoch slingshots HBK into the corner. Murdoch goes to charge HBK and HBK pulls the top rope down. Murdoch goes flying out (elimination #13). Bummer deal. Carlito tries to throw HBK out, but he’s hanging on. He gets back in the ring and starts chopping Mercury. #26 is on their way down now…….
#26 – Chris Masters
I always kind of liked Chris Masters. I don’t know why. Masters immediately goes after Benoit. Now he’s punching Hardy. HBK is once again almost out thanks to Nitro. Matt Hardy almost goes out. HHH comes over to finish the job, and Hardy almost throws him out instead. RVD comes over to give Hardy a hand. HBK is in a tough predicament right now thanks to MNM. He’s managing to cling on though. Here comes #27……
#27 – Viscera
Viscera is here and he wants to hump something. Everyone is in trouble. He starts hammering on Hardy. He picks him up and hits him with a huge slam. Now he’s doing the “Rick Rude hip thrust”. And now he’s HUMPING MATT HARDY! I TOLD YOU! Viscera goes for another splash, but Hardy counters him. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Viscera just lifts him up and throws him out (elimination #14). Just in time for #28…….
#28 – Shelton Benjamin
It’s Shelton Benjamin and HIS MOMMA! Benjamin’s momma was played by an actress who starred in a sitcom on ABC called “Thea” and that’s all I could think of when I saw her play Shelton’s mom in the WWE. Either way, Shelton’s gonna win this thing because he’s the best. The ring is full right now. LIKE REALLY FULL! Benoit does me a huge favor and throws Eugene out finally (elimination #15). My god that character sucked. Shelton is beating on Super Crazy. Super Crazy jumps on Viscera’s back. Viscera goes to throw him out, but he’s hanging on. HUMP HIM BIG VIS! THAT’LL SHOW HIM! No one else goes out, yet someone else is coming in……
#29 – Goldust
Goldust is making another WWE return.. This is probably his 42nd one, but that’s just a wild guess. He goes right after MNM. Some people need to start going out because this is getting ridiculous. Carlito almost goes out, but he gets back in the ring. Viscera and Jordan have Shelton on the brink of elimination. I’m pretty sure this is the most people we’ve ever had in the ring at once during any Royal Rumble. Here comes #30 and of course we all know who that is……
#30 – Randy Orton
Orton hits the ring and we officially have half the participants still left in this thing in the ring. That’s just asinine. Super Crazy was the victim of the ol’ phantom elimination (elimination #16). Orton goes right after Benoit and the fight is on. He lifts Benoit up and shockingly Benoit goes out (elimination #17)! RKO TO VISCERA! Jordan hits Orton and sends him into the ropes. Goldust goes over and punches HHH. Carlito and Masters are trying to eliminate Viscera and they get the job done (elimination #18)! Masters talks shit to Big Vis and Carlito goes up behind and dumps him (elimination #19)! TURN AROUND CARLITO! Goldust is waiting and he punches Carlito in the face. He’s now setting up Carlito for the SHATTERED DREAMS. He nails it! RVD comes over with a heel kick to Goldust that sends him flying out of the ring (elimination #20)! Jordan and Orton are squaring off. Jordan goes to punch Orton, but Orton dodges it and Jordan goes flying out on to the ring apron. He stays alive but Orton quickly finishes the job (elimination #21). RVD and Orton are now punching each other. Carlito and Shelton are squaring off on the ring apron. Shelton is barely hanging on. STOP FIGHTING GUYS! Shelton manages to get back in the ring. HHH and HBK are fighting now! MNM comes over and stop beating on HBK though. They hit HBK with a double-team move and signal for the Snap Shot. HBK counters and sends Mercury flying out, but he lands on the apron. HBK dodges Nitro and sends him right into Mercury and now he’s gone (elimination #22)! HBK clotheslines Nitro and eliminates him as well (elimination #23)! HBK almost goes out, but pulls himself back in. Shelton welcomes him back into the ring with a dragon kick to the back of the head. HBK is out and Shelton is smiling. RVD grabs Shelton and they start trading blows. Shelton goes to throw HBK out, but HBK counters and throws Shelton out. Shelton stays on the ring apron though. SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO SHELTON AND HE’S GONE (elimination #24)! RVD and Carlito start exchanging blows. NO CHANCE IN HELL! VINCE MCMAHON IS HERE AND HE’S PISSED! He’s staring down Shawn Michaels. Vince wants HBK out right now. SHANE MCMAHON IS HERE! HE GRABS HBK AND THROWS HIM OUT (elimination #25)! Shane starts dancing now while Vince mocks Shawn. Shawn gets back in the ring to get Shane, but HHH is there to prevent that from happening. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Shawn counters with a back bodydrop. SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO HHH! Shawn starts chasing Vince now. Carlito picks RVD up and hits him with a neck breaker. RVD counters and hits Carlito with a kick that sends him flying out of the ring (elimination #26) and WE ARE DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!!!!
The Final Four:
Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rob Van Vam
Who wants it??????
All four men are in every corner of course. That’s the thing to do now. Rey is shouting for RVD. He wants to team up. Rob is down for that. RVD is squaring off with Orton while Rey battles HHH. Double-team move to HHH now. Double-team move to Orton. ROLLING THUNDER TO ORTON! RVD goes to the top rope. HHH counters and RVD does the splits on the top. Rey comes running over and HHH just throws him into RVD which accidentally eliminates him (elimination #27). It’s now Rey vs. Orton & HHH. Good luck buddy. HHH and Orton decide to band together and get Mysterio’s ass out. Mysterio is running for his life, but they eventually catch him. They whip him into the ropes, but hit hits them with a DDT! Orton and HHH are down! Dropkick to Orton! Dropkick to HHH! Orton is on the ropes now. Headscissor to HHH and he ends up on the ropes as well! DOUBLE 619 TO ORTON AND HHH! Rey goes up top and hits Orton with a sit down splash. HHH finally ends the run with a clothesline though. HHH goes over and whips Orton into the ropes, but Orton counters and hits HHH with a slam. Orton is stalking HHH now. He goes for the RKO, but HHH counters into a spinebuster! All three men are down now. HHH goes after Rey, but Rey counters. Rey runs at HHH, but HHH catches him. HHH goes to dump Rey, but Rey counters and ELIMINATES HHH INSTEAD (elimination #28)!!! It’s Orton vs. Rey! HHH is pissed and he grabs Rey Mysterio and pulls him out of the ring. He throws him into the ring steps and tosses him back into the ring. What a poor sport. Orton should easily win this thing now. Orton is taking his sweet ass time because he knows he’s got this in the bag. He finally lifts Rey up. He’s going to throw him over. Rey grabs the ropes though! HEADSCISSORS TO ORTON SENDS ORTON FLYING OUT OF THE RING!!! REY MYSTERIO WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!!!
Look. This was not a very good Royal Rumble. The ending was pretty good, but for the most part, the ring was a jumbled mess and those Rumbles are never that good. If you were watching the WWE at this time, you knew who the winner was going to be so it didn’t really come as a surprise to anyone. At this point, the whole “getting #1 or #2 and lasting the entire time” is really starting to run its course. Don’t really recommend watching this one unless you’re a big Rey Mysterio fan.
Royal Rumble Review Grade: *1/2