Things are starting to get real serious in the Royal Rumble Review. While we haven’t quite reached the stage where the winner of the Royal Rumble was granted a title shot at WrestleMania, this is the first time the winner of the Royal Rumble would be declared the NEW WWE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! The WWE Championship was declared vacant due to two controversial title finishes between the Undertaker & Hulk Hogan. Now there’s 30 WWE superstars who are all vying for the right to call themselves WWE Champion! Who will walk away with the title?
LET’S DO THIS!
Royal Rumble 1992
Our first two entries are;
#1 – British Bulldog
#2 – Ted DiBiase
After a year off from the Rumble last year, DiBiase returns looking to make a statement after his impressive showing in 1990. Bobby Heenan is on commentary and he’s already a nervous wreck. Anyone who’s seen this show knows that Heenan is arguably the best part of this Rumble and that’s saying a lot. Heenan wants his boy Ric Flair to walk away with the title and no one else. Bulldog and DiBiase start things off with some back-and-forth action. DiBiase has the advantage now and is working Bulldog over. Million Dollar Fist Drop to Bulldog and DiBiase is gloating now. DiBiase goes for the elimination and he thinks he eliminates Bulldog, but he doesn’t. He starts gloating to the audience again and that bites him in the ass. Bulldog throws him over to a big reaction (elimination #1). Welp. Who’s next? And of course it’s…..
#3 – Ric Flair
Flair comes down to the ring with Mr. Perfect and Heenan is a wreck. He’s actually so pissed off that he doesn’t say anything for thirty seconds. This is going to be fantastic. Ric Flair in a early-90’s WWF ring is still kind of weird to me. Flair doesn’t stand a good chance against Bulldog as Bulldog press slams him over his head. There’s some back-and-forth between the two now. Bulldog hits a huge clothesline as Flair begs for mercy. That’s OK because #4 is about to come out……
#4 – Jerry Sags
Jerry Sags of the “Nasty Boys” is coming down and this doesn’t look good for the Bulldog. Sags immediately starts attacking Bulldog and it’s now a two-on-one situation. Heenan is telling Flair to go in the corner and rest and let Sags do the dirty work. We finally get our first “WOOOO” from Flair! Bulldog stops the two-on-one with a huge clothesline and the crowd eats it up. Sags almost gets eliminated. Check that. Sags DOES get eliminated as the Bulldog dropkicks him from behind (elimination #2). Bulldog is now eyeballing Flair as Heenan shouts “THIS ISN’T FAIR TO FLAIR!”. Flair begs for mercy but Bulldog isn’t having it. Here comes our fifth entry…..
#5 – Haku
Heenan is excited because he used to manage Haku. Haku immediately goes after Bulldog. It’s now two-on-one on Bulldog again. Haku now turns his attention to Flair and Flair begs for mercy again. He actually heads outside of the ring, which is probably a good idea. Haku starts beating on Bulldog again. Flair comes back in the ring and attacks Haku from behind. Flair nails Haku with a big knee. Flair is now going after Bulldog, but Bulldog reverses it. Haku is up now and is going after Flair as well. Bulldog and Haku start brawling just as #6 heads down to the ring…..
#6 – Shawn Michaels
It’s Shawn Michaels and we’ve finally reached his “Heartbreak Kid” stage! It’s only uphill from here with that guy. Michaels enters the ring and Flair immediately goes after him. Flair and HBK trade shots. HBK hits Flair with some “Sweet Chin Music” before it was actually “Sweet Chin Music”. Bulldog starts attacking HBK though and press slams him over his head. He goes to throw Michaels out, but Michaels holds on. He gets back in the ring and nails Bulldog with some “Sweet Chin Music”. Flair goes back to attacking HBK now. He has Michaels on the brink of elimination. Michaels once again escapes. Somewhere in the midst of all this, Haku went out (elimination #3). I seriously don’t remember that happening. Bulldog has HBK on the ropes now and is basically making sure Shawn can’t reproduce. It’s time for another entry…..
#7 – “El Matador” Tito Santana
Tito Santana as “El Matador”. Boy that was forgettable. Santana hits the ring and goes right for Flair. HBK makes the rescue though. Santana and Bulldog try throwing Shawn out, but Flair makes the rescue. Weren’t those two just beating on each other three minutes ago? We now have nice little tag team match with Santana & Bulldog vs. Flair & HBK. Flair sends Santana into the ropes and of course Santana hits his trademark flying forearm. It’s time for #8 to come down and we get…..
#8 – The Barbarian
Heenan is flustered right now. “They just keep getting bigger” according to him. Barbarian comes in and immediately tries throwing Bulldog out. Flair his helping Barbarian of course. Bulldog gets back in the ring and Santana helps him take out the Barbarian. Bulldog now has Barbarian almost out but we are getting another entry…..
#9 – Texas Tornado
Yawn. Texas Tornado takes his sweet ass time getting to the ring. And Flair is waiting for him patiently. Von Erich and Flair exchange blows. Tornado then hits HBK with the TORNADO PUNCH! Bulldog then slingshots HBK into the corner. Santana is trying to irish whip the Barbarian, but he can’t because the ring is too crowded. Flair is now chopping Tornado against the ropes while Barbarian has “El Matador” on the verge of elimination. #10 is on his way to the ring though……
#10 – Repo Man
Oh boy. I loved me some Repo Man. Repo sneaks his way down to the ring and is hiding at ringside. Smart move. He finally gets in the ring and goes after HBK. Flair has Bulldog on the verge of elimination but Santana makes the save. Repo doesn’t like that and starts punching Santana in the face. Flair then throws Santana through the middle rope. You missed it by THAT much “Nature Boy”. Flair and Barbarian start double-teaming the Tornado and Monsoon is reminding us that Flair has been in the ring for sixteen minutes now. Here comes another entry……
#11 – Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
After an impressive showing last year, what can “The Hammer” do this year? He starts trading blows with Flair right away. There are a lot of people in the ring right now. Michaels is once again on the verge of elimination, but Repo makes the save. Tornado then punches HBK out of the ring, but he manages to stay on the apron. Bulldog and Tornado now have HBK almost out but it’s time for #12 to hit the ring……
#12 – Nikolai Volkoff
Volkoff hasn’t been in the Royal Rumble since the very first one. I don’t have a lot of faith in him right now. He hits the ring and doesn’t know what to do. Not exactly a good sign. Barbarian reminds him that this is the WWE and starts punchisizing his face. Bulldog and Flair are exchanging blows and Heenan is pissed once again. Valentine now has Flair in the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, which is a great move, just not in the Royal Rumble. Meanwhile, Nikolai Volkoff gets tossed (elimination #4). See, what did I tell you? Flair escapes the figure-four and his reward is some chops courtesy of Valentine. Here comes lucky #13……
#13 – Big Boss Man
Big Boss Man comes out to a HUGE reaction! He starts punching EVERYONE! He doesn’t give a fuck right now. Meanwhile, Greg Valentine gets tossed (elimination #5). That’s OK. We saw enough of him last year. That’s also what he gets for doing a submission hold in the Royal Rumble. Dumbass. Big Boss Man hates criminals of course and throws Repo Man out of the ring (elimination #6). Heenan wants to go to ringside but Monsoon reminds him to do his job. Flair ends up surprising everyone though by eliminating Bulldog much to the crowd’s dismay (elimination #7). Tornado comes over to get him some of Flair, but Flair throws him out as well (elimination #8). Just in time for #14 to hit the ring……
#14 – Hercules
Wait, he’s still around? Yeesh. Hercules immediately goes after Flair and then Boss Man. While all of this is happening, Shawn Michaels and Tito Santana eliminate each other (eliminations #9 & #10). Barbarian press slams Flair as Heenan begs Flair to crawl under the ropes. Barbarian is now trying to eliminate Flair, but Hercules makes the save and throws out Barbarian (elimination #11). You know what his reward is? Getting tossed by Flair (elimination #12). You want to know what HIS reward is? A one-on-one with the Big Boss Man and the crowd is absolutely fired up!!!! Flair hits him with the eye poke. Boss Man hits the ropes and nails Flair with the clothesline. They start exchanging blows as Boss Man once again hits the ropes. Flair moves and Boss Man eliminates himself in an ugly elimination (elimination #13). Flair gets some much-needed rest. Well, not for long……
#15 – “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
IT’S “ROWDY” RODDY PIPER! PIPER RUNS DOWN TO THE RING AND THE CROWD IS HOT! For those of you not familiar with the WWF around this time, Flair and Piper were enemies. So of course, the crowd was hyped to see this. Piper starts attacking Flair and I think Heenan is going to have an aneurysm. Flair escapes the ring though. Piper starts attacking Flair out there though. Flair runs back in the ring and Piper makes chase once again. Piper is just beating on Flair here and it’s marvelous. Piper picks him up and is now hitting Flair with the airplane spin. It’s a sleeper hold to Flair and if this doesn’t result in Piper throwing out a sleeping Flair, it’s a waste of time. Here comes #16 though……
#16 – Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Uh oh. Last year, this would have been a good thing. This year though? Jake is a dirty heel and hates everyone. He crawls in the ring and just sits in the corner. Piper is still attacking Flair and Roberts finally makes the save. Roberts is now attacking Piper while Flair gets some rest. Jake sees Flair resting and hits him with the short clothesline. Roberts signals for the DDT, but we know this story. It never happens. Of course Piper makes the save, which I don’t get of course. Flair now has Roberts in the figure-four leg lock until Piper makes the save. C’mon Roddy. We now have a three-way match with everyone hitting each other. That is until #17 hits the ring……
#17 – “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Oh boy. “Hacksaw” comes out to a huge pop and starts beating on Flair. He drops Flair much to the crowd’s delight. We get a “USA” chant which makes sense because we have a lot of foreigners in the ring right now. Duggan is now going after Roberts while Piper and Flair are trading blows again. Here comes #18……
#18 – I.R.S.
Well, if you didn’t pay your taxes, your ass is about to get thrown over. Who’s the tax cheat in the ring right now? Obviously it’s Ric Flair since that’s who I.R.S. goes after right away. He then turns his attention to Duggan while Piper and Flair are tied up in the ropes. Roberts comes over to help try to eliminate Piper. Irwin makes his way over and we get our first FLAIR FLOP of the night!!!! Irwin is now beating on Piper in the corner as Flair comes over to help. #19 is on their way to the ring and it’s……
#19 – Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka
Snuka looks 85 years old at this point. He comes in and helps Flair who’s on the brink of elimination courtesy of Duggan. Roberts and Irwin are double-teaming Piper in the corner. Duggan is now holding Roberts while Snuka chops him. Piper is now MURDERING Flair with chops in the corner. He goes to throw Flair out, but of course he manages to stay in. Roberts tries making sure Flair goes out, but it doesn’t work. Just in time for #20 to come out…..
#20 – The Undertaker
Uh oh. Undertaker is coming to the ring and he’s pissed. At least I think he is. He’s not really showing a lot of emotion right now. Piper has Irwin in a bear hug. Undertaker hits the ring and throws Snuka out right away (elimination #14). Thanks for coming “Superfly”. Undertaker is now choking Flair while Heenan shouts “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” This is great stuff. Duggan comes over for the rescue and gets hit in the nuts as a result. Ouch. It’s now two-on-one as Irwin and Undertaker beat on “Hacksaw”. Flair has now been in the ring for over thirty-two minutes. And here comes #21…..
#21 – “Macho Man” Randy Savage
“MACHO MAN” COMES DOWN AND HE’S HYPED!!!!!! HE HITS THE RING AND STARTS LOOKING FOR JAKE “THE SNAKE”, BUT HE CAN’T FIND HIM! Undertaker flattens him from behind! Undertaker picks him up by the throat while Jake re-enters the ring after hiding out. He starts attacking Savage. Savage reverses things and starts BEATING on Jake. He hits Jake with a double axe handle off the top and then throws him out (elimination #15)! Savage gives no fucks though and just jumps over the top rope and starts attacking Jake. Undertaker leaves the ring to make the save for Roberts. Undertaker and Jake proceed to beat on Savage. Undertaker keeps trying to throw Savage back into the ring, which doesn’t make any sense considering “Macho Man” jumped over the top to attack Jake “The Snake”. Shouldn’t he be gone? Oh no. Monsoon and Heenan just reminded us that apparently someone ELSE has to eliminate you for it to count. That’s weird considering it’s never been like that in the past. Anyway, Undertaker is now choking Savage until Piper makes the save. Duggan is now beating on Undertaker. Piper now has Irwin in the Boston Crab, which is another stupid move to do in the Royal Rumble. Here comes #22……
#22 – The Berzerker
Yikes. This guy legitimately frightened me as a child. Berzerker hits the ring and just starts fucking everyone up. He doesn’t care. Duggan finally stops Berzerker’s momentum though. Flair is on the apron now and tries to suplex Savage to the outside, but that doesn’t work. That’s probably a good thing. Irwin and Berzerker now have Piper on the verge of elimination. And here comes another entry……
#23 – Virgil
Yawn. Virgil goes right after I.R.S. because he’s probably a tax cheat. Flair goes to eliminate Duggan, but Duggan is a Royal Rumble veteran and that shit don’t fly. Undertaker grabs Virgil by the throat and that’s a mis-match if I’ve ever seen one. Undertaker now grabs Flair by the throat and throws him up against the corner. He goes to eliminate Flair and Heenan is about to have a heart attack. Flair has now been in the ring for forty-seven minutes. He manages to stay in the ring while Duggan comes over to beat on the Undertaker. Here comes another entry…….
#24 – Colonel Mustafa
Colonel Mustafa, better known as The Iron Sheik. Heenan and Monsoon say Mustafa is a dangerous guy, but I beg to differ. He goes after Duggan immediately, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Where’s the “USA” chant now? Flair has Piper on the brink of elimination again, however Duggan comes over and makes the save. Duggan knows the Royal Rumble rules, right? Piper is beating on Flair in the corner, but Undertaker is stalking and makes the save. Savage comes over to beat on Flair instead. Smart move. Here comes #25…….
#25 – Rick “The Model” Martel
Martel comes down to the ring as the announcers remind us that Martel went a ridiculous fifty-two minutes last year. He’s going to win it all this year. He starts taking his aggression out on Flair, probably because Flair is almost breaking his record. Savage goes ahead and tosses Colonel Mustafa (elimination #16). I don’t think anyone will miss him. Undertaker must not be happy about that as he starts attacking Savage. Berzerker meanwhile is beating on Piper in the corner. The announcers remind us that Piper won the IC Title earlier that night and has a chance to be WWE Champion as well. Not if #26 can help it…..
#26 – Hulk Hogan
IT’S THE HULKSTER! CAN HE MAKE IT A THIRD ROYAL RUMBLE VICTORY IN A ROW? The audience is going nuts. Hogan hits the ring and goes right after Flair and Undertaker! Berzerker comes over for the save and helps beat on Hogan with Undertaker’s assistance. Hogan is now getting beat on by three different guys. He eventually escapes though, of course. He hits the rope and hits Undertaker with a huge clothesline that ends his night (elimination #17)! Maybe next year Taker? Hogan doesn’t stop there as he suplexes Berzerker right the hell out-of-town (elimination #18) and BUSINESS IS PICKING UP! The crowd is going nuts. Hogan wisely takes his shirt off so no one can choke him with it. Instead, he chokes Martel with it. Meanwhile, Virgil and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan get phantom tossed (eliminations 19 & 20). That’s OK because we knew they weren’t going to win anyway. Here comes #27…..
#27 – Skinner
Pack it up boys. Here’s your winner. This guy wrestles alligators. The Royal Rumble ain’t’ shit. Hogan almost eliminates Flair to the crowd’s delight, but Irwin comes over and makes the save. Hogan grabs Skinner from behind, which is a smart move because Skinner is a dangerous man. Flair has Piper on the verge of elimination as Martel comes over to help him. Piper manages to escape though. Hulk is pissed and double clotheslines Flair and Skinner. Here comes #28 and it’s…..
#28 – Sgt. Slaughter
Before Slaughter even gets to the ring, Martel throws Skinner out (elimination #21). BOOOOO! Martel makes sure to gloat about it. Slaughter hits the ring and goes right after Flair. Piper and Hogan are exchanging blows and there’s A LOT of history there! Martel has had enough and breaks them up. Somehow Hulk Hogan’s shirt is STILL in the ring and Savage is now choking Irwin with it. I told you guys that Hulk Hogan’s shirt is the most dangerous weapon in the Royal Rumble. It’s time for #29 and of course it’s…….
#29 – Sid Justice
OHHHHHH SNAP!!!!! Sid was always one of my favorites growing up, but he was a massive heart breaker. Right when it seemed like he was starting to catch fire, he would do something stupid to ruin everything (go play softball, stab Arn Anderson, etc.). Anyway, Sid hits the ring and goes right after I.R.S. and almost throws him out. There is currently a lot of action going on. One of these remaining individuals is going to be the new WWE champion! Sid is trying to eliminate Flair, but Flair knows all of Sid’s weaknesses so that’s not going to happen. #30 is about to hit the ring and we all know it’s……..
#30 – The Warlord
The Warlord has some of the worst luck in the Royal Rumble. Even though he got #30, he doesn’t stand a chance. He hits the ring and goes right after Piper. Hogan and Flair are now brawling on the outside of the ring and that’s the most PPV action you’ll see between those two in the WWF. Sid Justice goes ahead and throws Sgt. Slaughter out of the ring (elimination #22). Looks like it won’t be two straight Royal Rumbles where Slaughter ends up with the WWE title. Oh well. Hogan finally throws Flair back into the ring and hits him with the BIG BOOT! I.R.S. tries throwing Piper out, but Piper stays on the ring apron. Piper grabs Irwin by the tie and eliminates him instead (elimination #23). That’s what you get for wearing your work clothes to the Rumble, Irwin. Hogan and Sid Justice team up to throw Warlord out of the ring (elimination #24). See, I told you. That guy does nothing good but suck. Piper goes to eliminate Martel, but Sid Justice has no feelings and dumps them both from the ring (eliminations #25 & 26). And we are DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!
The Final Four:
Who wants it???????
ONE OF THESE GUYS IS GOING TO BE THE NEW WWE CHAMPION AND WOW, WHAT A FOURSOME! Hogan is beating on Flair in the corner while Justice goes after Savage. Sid tries dumping Savage and manages to do so once Flair comes over for the assistance (elimination #27). Flair goes back to chopping Hogan who reverses it. Hogan whips Flair into the ring and this doesn’t look good for “Nature Boy”. Hogan is in control until Sid Justice comes from behind and THROWS HULK HOGAN RIGHT THE HELL OUT OF THE RING (elimination #28). SO MUCH FOR YOUR THREE-PEAT HOGAN! Hogan and Sid are now staring at each other and arguing. Hogan is obviously pissed that his “friend” Sid would eliminate him and cost him his chance at a title. Hogan also apparently forgets the main rule of the Royal Rumble which is “EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!” Sid is pleading his case, but Hogan grabs his arm. Flair comes up from behind and THROWS SID OUT AND RIC FLAIR WINS AND HE’S YOUR NEW WWE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!!! What a poor sport Hulk Hogan is. Sid and Hogan continue to argue outside until Hogan gets in the ring to chase off Flair. C’mon Hogan. Sid comes up from behind Hogan and the two push each other and face off in the ring. Something tells me these two are going to end up squaring off at WrestleMania. I bet it will turn into the ULTIMATE disappointment…..
This was of course the best Royal Rumble to date and remains one of the best of all-time. It’s a highly entertaining hour of wrestling and the outcome is brilliant. Flair’s performance is marvelous and is one of his best ever. This remains one of my all-time favorite Royal Rumbles and the only thing I don’t like it about it as all the garbage between Hogan and Sid at the end. Flair just won the WWE title! Why the hell are we not giving him more attention and instead focusing on the pissing match between Sid and Hogan?
Royal Rumble Review Grade: ****