“Let me tell you how you’re feeling.” Those are the infamous words of Tito Ortiz as he tried his hand at post-fight interviews during the days of Affliction. It’s also the name of this column, which doubles as a weekly NFL recap and look ahead. This is how fans should be about their team following the week and heading into next week. So, let me tell you how you’re feeling.
Arizona Cardinals: Larry Fitzgerald won’t get one more shot at a Super Bowl? Fuck 2016.
Atlanta Falcons: Matt Ryan is still our quarterback for the playoffs? Fuck 2016.
Baltimore Ravens: The Steelers went 75 yards in a minute to win the division? Fuck 2016.
Buffalo Bills: Another year where we didn’t make the playoffs? Fuck 2016.
Carolina Panthers: Lost the Super Bowl and missed the playoffs the next year? Fuck 2016.
Chicago Bears: Jay Cutler and John Fox are still in the organization? Fuck 2016.
Cincinnati Bengals: No playoff win, didn’t make the playoffs, Marvin Lewis is still the coach? Fuck 2016.
Cleveland Browns: We couldn’t even lose correctly? Fuck 2016.
Dallas Cowboys: We still can’t beat the Giants? Fuck 2016.
Denver Broncos: Missed the playoffs after winning the Super Bowl? Fuck 2016.
Detroit Lions: Calvin Johnson retired and we were given false hope? Fuck 2016.
Green Bay Packers: Our defense is still trash? Fuck 2016.
Houston Texans: We paid $72 million for a backup? Fuck 2016.
Indianapolis Colts: We still don’t have a team around Andrew Luck? Fuck 2016.
Jacksonville Jaguars: It took us that long to fire Gus Bradley? Fuck 2016.
Kansas City Chiefs: Jamal Charles will never play for us again? Fuck 2016.
Los Angeles Rams: This is the team the NFL gave us? Fuck 2016.
Miami Dolphins: Matt Moore is our savior? Fuck 2016.
Minnesota Vikings: Teddy and AP get hurt? Fuck 2016.
New England Patriots: We’re still talking deflategate? Fuck 2016.
New Orleans Saints: The Brees and Payton magic might be gone? Fuck 2016.
New York Giants: Eli Manning is playing like garbage? Fuck 2016.
New York Jets: We’re the Jets? Fuck 2016.
Oakland Raiders: We have our best season in forever and then Derek Carr gets hurt? Fuck 2016.
Philadelphia Eagles: Carson Wentz didn’t go undefeated? Fuck 2016.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Terry Bradshaw is criticizing Mike Tomlin for no reason? Fuck 2016.
San Diego Chargers: Another injury? Fuck 2016.
San Francisco 49ers: A backup QB taking a knee during the national anthem is the best thing that happened to us? Fuck 2016.
Seattle Seahawks: We have no run game? Fuck 2016.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Jameis Winston didn’t quite take the next step? Fuck 2016.
Tennessee Titans: Marcus Mariota gets hurt? Fuck 2016.
Washington Redskins: We still have a bottom five pass defense even with Josh Norman? Fuck 2016.