“Let me tell you how you’re feeling.” Those are the infamous words of Tito Ortiz as he tried his hand at post-fight interviews during the days of Affliction. It’s also the name of this column, which doubles as a weekly NFL recap and look ahead. This is how fans should be about their team following the week and heading into next week. So, let me tell you how you’re feeling.
Arizona Cardinals: Too little, too late.
Atlanta Falcons: Not even mad cause Eric Berry beat cancer, so of course he beats a bird. But maybe a little mad.
Baltimore Ravens: ELITE
Buffalo Bills: Wondering why teams even bother to play the Raiders in the second half.
Carolina Panthers: So, this is how Karma works?
Chicago Bears: CUBS!
Cleveland Browns: Unfamiliar feeling.
Dallas Cowboys: Saying, “Dak, Dez, Zeke” three times fast.
Denver Broncos: Just hoping to avoid New England.
Detroit Lions: Worried that things are going a little too well.
Green Bay Packers: Comfortable knowing that things won’t continue to go this well for Detroit.
Houston Texans: We still host the Super Bowl.
Indianapolis Colts: *Razor Ramon pose*
Jacksonville Jaguars: Amazed that it’s even possible for your starting quarterback to have more pick sixes in his career than wins.
Kansas City Chiefs: Naming your first born Eric Berry.
Los Angeles Rams: Trying to find housing in St. Louis.
Miami Dolphins: Excited about watching Tony Romo for 16 weeks next year.
Minnesota Vikings: Member the first four weeks?
New England Patriots: Wondering how many miracles The Lord can perform without Gronk.
New Orleans Saints: Wondering what the end game is.
New York Giants: ELI
New York Jets: Just Endure The Suffering
Oakland Raiders: Making plans for the first three quarters of the game because there’s no point in tuning in until the fourth.
Philadelphia Eagles: When your leading rusher is named Smallwood. You’re gonna have a bad time.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Ready to peak.
San Diego Chargers: Are you sure we can’t move to the AFC South?
San Francisco 49ers: At least we aren’t Cleveland.
Seattle Seahawks: Praying for Earl Thomas.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: shhhhhh.
Tennessee Titans: So this is what a three way feels like.
Washington Redskins: Petitioning the NFL to shorten the field by 20 yards.