“Let me tell you how you’re feeling.” Those are the infamous words of Tito Ortiz as he tried his hand at post-fight interviews during the days of Affliction. It’s also the name of this column, which doubles as a weekly NFL recap and look ahead. This is how fans should be about their team following the week and heading into next week. So, let me tell you how you’re feeling.
Arizona Cardinals: Trying to figure out who you can blame this season on.
Atlanta Falcons: Pissed that you thought the NFC West was better.
Baltimore Ravens: Still laughing over that final play.
Buffalo Bills: Pondering whether you should hold on to your slim playoff hopes or hope that the team gets a better draft pick.
Carolina Panthers: Wishing 2016 would just end.
Chicago Bears: Dropping everything.
Cincinnati Bengals: Getting repetitive.
Cleveland Browns: FOUR MORE TO GO!
Dallas Cowboys: Debating whether or not Dak, Zeke, and Dez are better than Troy, Emmitt, and Irvin. Then kicking yourself for even having that debate. But still wondering if it’s possible.
Denver Broncos: Getting nervous.
Detroit Lions: An unrecognizable feeling.
Green Bay Packers: Still holding out hope.
Houston Texans: Laughing because you’re still in first.
Indianapolis Colts: Wondering if it’s even worth it for Andrew Luck to return.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Miserable.
Kansas City Chiefs: Quietly wondering if everyone knows that you’re 19-4 in the last 23 games.
Los Angeles Rams: Wondering if 7-9 is even achievable at this point.
Miami Dolphins: Shhhhhh.
Minnesota Vikings: That’s why you don’t trade a first round pick for Sam Bradford.
New England Patriots: Is it possible for New England fans to feel sorry for Jets fans? No? Just checking.
New Orleans Saints: Still running it up.
New York Giants: Hoping that the Steelers aren’t as good as you think they are.
New York Jets: Crying.
Oakland Raiders: Thinking this is finally your season.
Philadelphia Eagles: Apologizing to Chip Kelly.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Hoping that the Giants aren’t as good as you think they are.
San Diego Chargers: Still petitioning to be in the AFC South.
San Francisco 49ers: Booking Chip Kelly’s plane ticket back to Oregon.
Seattle Seahawks: The fuck?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Enjoying your west coast trip way more than you thought you would.
Tennessee Titans: Wondering how long you can win in spite of incompetent coaching.
Washington Redskins: Turned in so many directions.