It’s football season, which means Tony Romo is injured again. It’s one of the three things you can count during the NFL season along with the referees screwing up and Andy Reid mismanaging the clock.
How can we prevent this Romo injury epidemic? I have some ideas.
*Just run the ball: I’m told that the Cowboys have the best offensive line in football. So why not run the ball on every play? This way you ensure that Romo never takes a hit unless he’s slow handing the ball off and a defensive player gets into the backfield before the exchange. But if you’re worried about that, run out of shotgun on every play. Maybe throw in a couple of play action passes where Romo is max protected or screen passes, but that’s at your own risk.
*Make him the back-up: If your theory is that the Cowboys starter is either injury prone or ineffective, then just make Romo the back-up. He’ll not only be protected from hits; he’ll be protected from scrutiny as well. You can even take it a step further and bring back Drew Bledsoe. Romo’s best season came the year after he replaced Bledsoe and became the full-time starter. He played all 16 games, won 13 of them, and threw 36 touchdowns. Bring back Bledsoe for this season. Replace him with Romo, when Romo gets healthy, and next season will be magical.
*Change the team colors to something with Red: Maybe if Romo is allowed to wear a red jersey, defensive players will be less likely to tackle him. It’s a no-no to hit the quarterback, who is wearing a red jersey, in practice. If defensive players see a red jersey during the game, maybe they’ll stop short of tackling him. Or they’ll hit him extra hard as a way of taking out their practice frustrations. Could go either way, really.
*Change the name on the back of the jersey: Have we ever stopped to wonder if people just hate Tony Romo? He’s the quarterback for the most known franchise in football, he’s a good looking guy, he dated Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson, he’s married to Miss USA contestant, he’s the brother-in-law of one of the star’s of Gossip Girl, he’s excitable, he seems like a funny and nice dude. I can see how defensive players would be jealous of this man. Maybe if they thought they were playing some guy named Dick Morris, they’d show some sympathy. Dick Morris just sounds like a guy who got picked on a lot during middle and high school, was always turned down for dates, and kept to himself. NFL players would probably feel bad for a guy named Dick Morris. Apologies if you’re reading this and your name is Dick Morris.
*Find some machine that makes you young again: I didn’t know this until I was doing the minimal amount of research for this column, but Tony Romo is 36. He has 2-3 good years left in him if that. I still think of Romo as a young gunslinger with plenty of room to grow and mature. That’s not the case. He’s like The Undertaker against Triple H in Hell in a Cell. He’s got a couple of great performances left in him before he’s nearly killed by an uncontrollable beast. And after that, he just becomes a shell of his former self. That’s Romo’s career path if he doesn’t find some Benjamin Button machine.
*No one draft Tony Romo in fantasy: Alright, so this doesn’t exactly protect Romo on the field, but just imagine how much happier everyone will be if they just stay away from Romo in fantasy drafts. No disappointment when he inevitably gets hurt, no hurling things when he throws multiple interceptions, and no pain and agony when he costs you the week by not throwing enough to Dez Bryant. Maybe you’ll blame Dez for not getting open enough instead of Romo for not getting him the ball enough. I just think the world would be a better place if no one tied their hopes and dreams to Tony Romo.